Stay Away From Juliet
by DarkandTwistyx
Summary: Bella Swan was raised to hate Edward Cullen and he never showed any inclination to know her. When they're forced to become biology partners, however, their seventeen year silence must be broken, and so must everything they know about each other. AU/AH
1. The Beginning Of The End

**Disclaimer: I'm not filthy rich and a published author. There, I admitted it. Are you happy now? I just like to play with the characters and see what happens. So don't sue… please?**

_This is the beginning of the end._

I had always hated Edward Cullen. I had to, it was in my blood. I hated him because if I didn't the world didn't exist, because I couldn't imagine not hating him. Tolerating, liking, _loving_ Edward Cullen would only take place in a parallel universe where everything was backwards. Evil was good, good was evil, Heaven was Hell, and vice versa.

But when the Demon's lips touched mine, they felt as warm, soft, and welcoming as an Angel's. His hands were gripping my face fiercely, yet gently, and his harsh gasps against my mouth created the most beautiful music I ever heard.

My hands twisted in his beautiful, shining bronze hair and instead of protesting he encouraged it, groaning and clutching me impossibly further against his body.

It was poetic, in a way. We were raised to hate each other. I wasn't supposed to love Edward Cullen, and he wasn't supposed to get close enough to me to try.

But now I think we don't have a choice.

--

_Seven Months Earlier._

"There's hamburger meat thawing in the fridge for dinner, Dad, but I made some cold cut sandwiches for you to take for lunch."

I shoved the remaining half of my poptart into my mouth and slung my backpack over my shoulders while enduring an eye-roll and a hefty sigh from my father. "I'm a grown man, Bells, I can take care of myself." I narrowed my eyes at him as he continued. "The boys and I are perfectly capable of ordering a pizza for the station, you know that."

I did know that. I also knew that it was bad for his health and thought about what the doctor had said about cutting back on the fast food trips that Charlie was so fond of taking. I didn't get my stubborn will from out of thin air, though – Charlie was as bad as me if not worse and he made looking after him more difficult than it needed to be.

"Take the sandwiches," I said once I'd swallowed my poptart, my voice thick with the remnants of the sugary filling and crust coating my mouth. I picked up my half-empty glass of milk and chugged it down, the icy liquid a welcome chaser to my breakfast. I ignored his sour expression when I leaned down to give him my customary peck on the head. "Bye, Dad."

"You stay away from them, hear?" His voice called after me and this time it was my turn to roll my eyes and sigh. It was the same warning he gave at the start of every term and I had yet to find a reason to disobey it. "I know, Dad." With that I was out the door.

--

My truck puttered to a stop when I pulled into my chosen parking spot. I patted the dashboard in a friendly manner before shoving open the door to the cab hopping out. My feet made a wet sound when they hit the perpetually damp asphalt but the drizzle was light, barely a mist. I inhaled deeply, the clean, fresh air filling my lungs and clearing my head. I'd done the same thing every year since I started school, even when Charlie used to have to drop me off at Forks Elementary. For the first few years it was because I was trying my best not to vomit all over the Cruiser out of nerves, but after that it became a habit. Good air in, bad air out, and I would have a successful school year. I didn't necessarily believe in all this new-age, positive thinking stuff, but Renee did.

The first half of the day was the same as any other first day of school. It was a flurry of best friends shrieking with joy at the long summer finally being over, the confusion of trying to figure out the shortest way to get from point A to point B in time for class, and the frustration of having new coursework piled on top of us until we were six feet under.

Biology was when the trouble began.

Jessica Stanley had insisted I accompany her to the bathroom after lunch as part of that weird ritual that said girls had to travel in packs. I didn't want to go, but it was better than enduring Lauren Mallory's sneers and Mike Newton's overeager questions on the way to biology, a class which I apparently shared with both of them.

By the time she was done chattering the first bell had already rung and I only just made it into the classroom in time for the second bell.

"You're late, Miss Swan."

"Sorry Mr. Banner – first day." I mumbled my response as I slid past his desk and scoured the room for an empty seat, my stomach sinking further as my eyes swept over each desk. Each _full_ desk except for one.

Cold green eyes stared at me like the frozen depths of the ocean and I stared back, my own eyes molten with just as much resentment and a touch of disbelief.

"Mr. Banner?"

"Yes, Miss Swan?"

"I don't have anywhere to sit."

He looked up and adjusted his glasses before looking around the room. "Take that seat next to Mr. Cullen."

The entire room stilled and a few people sucked in sharp breaths. My own hands tightened around my binder until my knuckles were white. "I can't do that, sir." I tried to sound authoritative without confrontation. It wasn't his fault he didn't know how things worked, after all. He had moved to Forks three years ago and people had long ago stopped talking about the Cullens and the Swans and the grief they gave each other.

"Why not?"

"Because." My answer was lame even to my ears, but this wouldn't be a problem if it had been any other teacher.

He peered at me from over his glasses and fixed with his best _I'm-the-teacher-and-you'll-do-as-I-say_ stare. "Miss Swan, unless you care to explain to me why the seat next to Mr. Cullen is unfit, I suggest you take it now."

I stared at him for a long moment, trying to get him to understand, but when his glare remained unwavering I straightened my back and walked forward to the tiny counter which my sarcastic mind had already dubbed 'Hell Island'.

I _would_ trip on the edge of my pants. I flew forward, my stomach colliding with the edge of the counter, my palm slapping the granite with a stinging _smack_ sound, and my cheeks burned red when a few in the class snickered under their breath. I was clumsy, so I was used to their laughter, and under any other circumstances I would have ignored them.

I righted myself and sat on the edge of the stool, leaning as far away from Edward Cullen as I possibly could. Thankfully the feeling between us seemed to be mutual and he slid his own seat away from me with a severe grating sound against linoleum tiles.

"Welcome to Biology II. In this course we will be taking the tools you learned previously and applying them in more in depths situations to help you understand…."

Mr. Banner opened with a speech that I barely heard. I was too busy trying not to breathe too much – even the thought of breathing too much of the same air as Edward Cullen made me cringe. I couldn't believe that _this_ was who I would have to work with for the remainder of the year. The only thing that comforted me was that Charlie would be just as furious as I was. Maybe Mr. Banner would change his mind after a few thousand tickets.

For the remainder of the lesson we took notes and listened to him lecture on the first chapter of the text which was basically a reminder of everything that we had learned in freshman year. The chances of us learning anything new for a few weeks were slim at best.

When the bell rang Edward Cullen bolted out of his seat and I was silently thankful that one of us could make a quick escape without smashing their face into the ground. I packed my things in peace and proceeded onto gym class with my mood still reflective of Forks weather – gym class was probably the only class that I could still hate most of all even after the recent development in biology.

I sulked towards the back of the room for most of the volleyball game, ducking out of the way whenever the ball came flying my way. Coach Clapp knew enough by now that I was hopeless when it came to sports of any kind and was gracious enough to give me a pass grade as long as no one got hurt.

"So…" I fought the urge not to groan for the millionth time that day when I heard Mike Newton's voice. "You and Cullen, huh?" I stayed silent. He knew I didn't discuss the Cullens and he knew why. Sarcasm would shoot right over his head so the next best option was to stay silent.

"That's gotta be rough. You know," his voice took on an eager edge and I braced myself for whatever was coming. "I could talk to Mr. Banner and see if we could… I mean if you want, I could see if I could be your—"

A sharp whistle interrupted us and Coach Clapp began waving his arms, signaling the period was over. "Thanks, Mike, but I gotta go now – Charlie's going to be anxious to hear what happened today." Only after I said the words did I realize they were true. Charlie _would_ want to know how his daughter had wound up paired with Edward Cullen. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, see you…."

I made quick work of my gym clothes and left the building as quickly as was safe for my clumsy self and returned to the spot where my car was parked, my head swimming. This was certainly the most eventful first day that I'd ever had, I thought to myself wryly. I checked my mirrors first before glancing behind me to make sure I wasn't about to run over some poor unfortunate soul in my mission to make it home as fast as possible.

And then I froze.

Sharp eyes, green even from this distance, stared at my monstrous truck from across the parking lot and I felt my own gaze harden. He couldn't possibly see me from this distance but he knew that I was in this car and he had to know that I was glaring at him, too. We stayed like that for far too long before I finally broke and looked away from him, my thoughts filled with nothing but loathe for Edward Cullen.

--

The beef made a sizzling sound when it hit the pan and I found a sense of calm in the familiar sounds and smells of the heating meat. Next to it a pan filled with oil bubbled happily with the sliced and salted potatoes I'd dumped in. I wouldn't normally put this much effort into making French fries, but I was itching to find some extra work to do. Besides, even though he never complained over the frozen kind, I knew Charlie liked the fresh, homemade ones because they reminded him of my Grandma Swan. I was going to need all the help I could get tonight.

The sound of the door opening pulled me out of the reverie that cooking offered me and Charlie's feet stomped loudly over the floor a moment later. "Smells good, Bells." He commented on my cooking before hanging up his gun and taking off his jacket. I offered him a small smile in return. "It'll be ready soon. How was work?" I was stalling, and I did it shamelessly. The more questions I asked, the more time there would be until he asked the inevitable one to me. I hoped that the closer it got to game time the less Charlie would feel like taking his gun down to the reclusive Cullen home.

"Pretty easy. We played cards for most of the day and did patrols around town." I nodded along to his story as I flipped the now thoroughly browned burgers. It was always the same each day except for the rare occasion when the police had to act as animal control and do away with a stray wolf or bear that wandered too close to some person's house.

I put the burgers on the toasted buns and melted a slice of cheese on top against my better judgment – just this morning I'd been lecturing him about cutting back and here I was topping an already less than healthy burger with even more fat. I scooped some hot fries onto his plate and put some tomato slices and lettuce leaves on the side. "Here you go, Dad."

He gave a hearty thanks before digging into his food. I served myself and sat down across from him and stared down at the food on my plate but I couldn't bring myself to eat. My stomach was turning and I felt like if I ate anything it would just come right back up. I picked off a piece of burger and put it in my mouth and felt my throat close up in protest.

Charlie took a sip of the beer he'd gotten for himself while I finished dinner and set it down firmly on the table. My heart rate picked up and my hands dropped away from my plate to my lap – there was no use trying to eat now. "So, how was your first day of junior year? " It was an innocent enough question and therein laid the danger.

I thought for a moment and chose my answer carefully. "It went… well. We didn't do much today really. We took notes and reviewed and got caught up on stuff."

He swallowed his bite of food before asking his next question. "What classes are you taking again?"

Danger, danger! "Um…" I feigned memory loss and ticked off the majority of my classes on my fingers. "Gym… English, Spanish, Trig…" I put on a show of wracking my brains and running through my schedule one more time. "Oh, biology II, andumIthinkthat'sit." My words ran together towards the end and I picked up a fry and began to nibble at it with the pretense of busying my mouth for anymore talking.

"That's with Will Banner, right?" I held back the urge to throw my plate across the room in frustration. Leave it to a small town dad to know who taught what in the local high school. "Yeah." I replied before shoving three French fries in my mouth.

"He any good?"

I shrugged and picked up my burger. "He's ok. We haven't done enough yet for me to know if he can teach or anything." I took a big bite and took my sweet time chewing it.

"You got a lab partner?"

That bite was a mistake as I was _definitely_ going to be sick. The silence hung thick in the air and I was almost drowning in it.

"Bella?"

I forced my jaw to work before swallowing with difficulty. Everything felt dry and sandpapery and it was all I could do not to gag. "Yeah, I do." The more I stalled the more I could pretend that my evening would be peaceful.

"Well?"

I sighed and raised my eyes to Charlie's directly. "It's Edward Cullen, Dad."

--

**-Pokes head in and waves- Hi all! Wow. This feels really weird, and really good. I haven't written or posted fanfiction in nearly two years. I'm taking a stab at it again, though, so do I get points for that? I was working on personal writing so it feels weird to be using other people's characters again. **

**I'm going to keep this short here because otherwise I'll never shut up. I hope that all of you liked or at least are intrigued by this prologue and chapter. If so, leave a review! I love them almost as much as I love Rob. They don't even have to be praising, I'd much rather they be honest (although not rude – constructive criticism means thoughtful and helpful and friendly more or less, not vicious attacks that leave the writer in tears. Been there, done that, don't want to go there again). **

**Also, all of this is unbeta-ed, and the first… four or so chapters of this will also be unbeta-ed since they're already written. I might decide to beg for one at some point, though. **

**I said I'd keep this brief, and I have. If you know me, you know this is brief. **


	2. I See My Demise From Behind Your Eyes

**Disclaimer: I'm 99 percent sure that Stephenie Meyer didn't spend her morning in Sears. She could probably get someone to go there for her. So, no, I don't own these characters. I play with them for fun and ship them back to her at the end of the day. Rob on the other hand… No, no, sorry, I don't own him either. **

**--**

_I see my demise from behind your eyes, I can't pass you by._

_--_

Nearly two weeks had passed since school started and so far things had neither gotten worse, nor had they improved. Edward Cullen was still my biology lab partner, but it wasn't for lack of trying. Mike had tried to persuade Mr. Banner into letting us switch at the very least, and my Dad had tried to mention casually in passing whenever they ran into each other (which was probably more often than could be considered coincidental) that Edward Cullen made me uncomfortable. Mr. Banner had insisted that we remain partners unless Edward was somehow a threat to my life or wellbeing.

When Charlie told me that, I could only imagine the look on his face.

Still, even though I was sharing a desk with Edward Cullen, I found the class surprisingly bearable if not enjoyable. Biology had always been one of my better subjects so the work came fairly easily to me. On the fifth day of working together we'd been assigned onion root tip cell slides with the job of naming each of the phases of mitosis. The idea of having to share a microscope and converse with Edward Cullen, even over something as mundane as onion roots, displeased me severely. I had taken out my sheet of paper and clicked the top of my retractable pencil when a movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention.

Edward Cullen had also taken a sheet of paper out and was uncapping the top of his pen. We glanced at each other and my stomach reacted as if it were on a roller coaster at having to stare into the eyes of my enemy. His green eyes were hard and unfriendly but in them there was a message that I somehow understood. It was like our brains were wired in the same way although we had never once uttered a single word to each other. I tried not to let that thought irk me too much as I nodded and looked down at my own paper and set to work. We'd taken what was meant to be a partner drill and turned it into our own private projects. Edward Cullen didn't want to interact with me anymore than I wanted to with him.

Charlie was, of course, _thrilled_ over this development and thought I was the smartest person in the world for thinking of it. I hadn't told him it had been Edward Cullen's silent idea for three main reasons. Number one, apart from the conversation we'd had after I told him who my lab partner was, the name Cullen hadn't been uttered in this house since I was five years old when he'd first explained why the Cullens and Swans didn't speak. Two, admitting that it had been Edward Cullen's idea would be like saying he was smart which would be giving him credit, and that wouldn't go over well. And finally, saying it was Edward Cullen's idea would bring up questions about whether or not we'd talked, and I couldn't very well explain how I just _knew_ what he was thinking without words. That would bother Charlie a thousand times more than it bothered me.

The TV was on a low hum as I sat on the living room floor attempting to study the latest biology chapter for the small quiz that was due to be given on Monday. I chewed idly on the end of my pen as I flipped through my textbook, my notebook sprawled out next to me and filled with my scribbled, indecipherable handwriting. A tan hand suddenly came into my vision and I looked up in annoyance when it took away my notebook. "Jacob Ephraim Black, give that back to me right now." I glared at him, annoyance growing in me when he just grinned cheekily.

"We haven't seen each other since the beginning of the summer, and this is how you say hello?" He held a hand to his heart. "I'm hurt, Bella."

"You're not, but you will be soon if you don't give that back." I quipped immediately as per our usual routine.

He raised his eyebrows. "Touchy, touchy," he replied smoothly before handing my notebook back to me and settling himself on the floor beside me and leaning against the couch.

"How was Hawaii?" I asked as I wrote down a line from the book on my lap. I felt rather than saw him shrug beside me before he answered.

"It was alright. Rebecca's got a nice house for herself. It's sunny all the time, too."

I snorted in an unladylike manner. "That's gotta be a shock."

His warm laughter boomed through the house. "Tell me about it. I could walk around naked and no one would think twice." I rolled my eyes while his chuckles subsided. Jacob's crush on me had been well known since we were fourteen and thirteen years old. It hadn't been a surprise so I had sort of learned to just deal with it, but he was persistent and never tired of trying to get some sort of reaction out of me that could be construed as changing feelings. His favorite way was to make comments regarding his or my lack of clothing so he could get me to blush.

"It's not going to work, Jake," I murmured as I flipped the page and ran my finger down the lines.

He sighed heavily. "One of these days."

I didn't respond and he smoothly changed the topic. I suddenly found myself wishing I had given a more interesting reaction to his comment.

"So, how's life as a junior? Are you the awe of the freshmen? The envy of the sophomores? The desire of the seniors?"

I grimaced and looked over at him. "You know I'm not any of those so why are you asking?"

"Hey, I gotta keep up with my competition. One of these days those seniors might decide you're more than just a pretty klutz."

I rolled my eyes and returned my attention to my book. The minutes ticked by. If I had been paying closer attention I would have been able to sense the subtle change in the atmosphere.

"Is it true?" Jacob's voice was darker now. There was a pained edge to it that was almost, but not completely, masked by the obvious anger.

"Is what true?" I asked absentmindedly, not sensing the danger.

"You're with Edward Cullen?"

Just like that time slammed to a halt.

My breath caught in my chest and for a moment I thought my lungs would burst. The dread I felt for this moment rivaled that which I felt when I told Charlie. "How did you find out?" I asked softly.

"Charlie told Billy, and Billy--"

"Billy told you," I finished for him in a murmur before sighing. "Yeah, it's true."

Silence again.

"Can't you change to someone else?"

I smiled sadly at him. "I wish I could, Jake. It's been tried."

His lower lip jutted out in concentration and his thick black eyebrows pulled together. "He hasn't talked to you, has he?" I shook my head quickly. "No. He hasn't said a word to me, not once. Seventeen years and I still haven't talked to him or any of them." I said this with pride and he offered me a half-hearted grin.

"If he gives you any trouble…"

"He won't." I cut him off quickly. "I think…" I thought of the cold depths of his green eyes. "I don't think he wants to talk to me anymore then I want to talk to him."

"That's good." Jake nodded his head but he wasn't done. "But if that ever changes, you know who to call."

"You sound like you're in the mob."

Jacob grinned at me, a real grin, before saying, "We're gonna make him an off-uh he can't refuse."

I shoved his shoulder and he heaved himself up off the floor. "I know when I'm not wanted," he said and I laughed softly while staring up at his massive, hulking form. "Billy and I will be by Thursday for dinner."

My smile faltered a bit but I nodded. "Bye, Jake."

"See ya, Bell."

He left the living room and I listened to the sound of his footsteps in the kitchen followed by the creak and slam of the back door, and when he was gone I let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd never stopped holding. All things considered I knew that that had gone miraculously well. Jake had a temper on him and I knew for a fact that he wouldn't like the idea of me and a Cullen fraternizing any more than Charlie did. I was suddenly thankful that Charlie and Billy gossiped like old women. It made my job infinitely easier, and I was thankful for that; it would make my week just a little less stressful.

The door opened again followed by Charlie's voice. "Bella?" I frowned and closed my book before getting up from the floor. I was never going to get any studying done.

--

When I woke up on September 13th the sun was shining. It mocked me. Of all the times for Forks Weather to grant my wish and give me sun, it had to pick _this_ day. I lay in bed, listening to the quiet of the house. The chirping birds flying past my window seemed to be shrieking. Even a pin dropping would have made a din in the midst of all this stillness. I stared up at my ceiling, barely breathing, hardly blinking, and fighting with every fiber of my being not to think about what today was.

It was just another day. People would go about their lives as if nothing happened, because nothing _was_ happening. I would get up, go to school, come home, and make dinner for my father's best friend and my own best friend. That wasn't so unusual; they came over all the time. I pushed back my covers and rolled out of bed, stretching my body before getting up and starting my day. I had showered the night before to save time getting ready in the morning and began to rummage through my clothes selectively. I picked my usual jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt - brown, because it was a warm color and that felt appropriate for today – before tying my hair back out of my face.

When I got downstairs Charlie was already gone. He left a note on the kitchen table telling me he'd gone in early today and I ate my slice of toast in solitude, leaving the dry parts on the plate when I was finished. I cleaned up after myself and went out to my truck, turning on the ancient radio and twirling the dial until I found a listenable station once I was buckled in. The quality wasn't the best, but that was what I got for having a truck from the fifties. The stereo had been updated sometime in the mid-eighties, but it had deteriorated quickly over time in the Washington climate so it didn't make any difference. But I wasn't listening for the music; I was listening for the noise, for the distraction.

The morning passed in a blur. I went to my classes and took all the notes that I was supposed to and participated when I had to. Other than that, though, my interaction with my small group of designated friends was limited. Even Angela only gave me a sympathetic smile and a rub on the shoulder after English, and Mike was oddly silent as we parted ways before my next class. When it was time for lunch I walked through the line and picked up a bottle of water before going to join my friends. The conversation instantly sank into lulls and in some cases ceased completely. I frowned but didn't say a word. I knew what they were talking about, so I didn't need to ask and I didn't want to.

Jessica and Lauren appeared to be having a silent conversation and Angela was looking across the table at them, her soft eyes wide and imploring. "Someone should tell her!" Lauren hissed to Jessica who was shaking her head. I looked over at her, pausing my work of peeling the wrapper off my water bottle. "Tell me what?"

Our table stilled and I could see Lauren's snide confidence falter for a moment before she spoke in her usual sneer-worthy manner. "Edward Cullen is staring at you."

Disbelief coursed through my veins and my head whipped much too fast in the direction of the table that I _always_ ignored. Edward Cullen sat amongst his family, his emerald eyes boring into me like a jackhammer breaking through the crust of the Earth. His jaw was set in a hard line and he had his customary look of disdain painted across his face.

And then something shifted. It happened so suddenly that if I had blinked I would have missed it and barely registered the change in his expression. It froze me and made me doubt seventeen years worth of beliefs and feelings. It was foreign to me, and if I were quite honest with myself it scared me.

Edward Cullen looked regretful.

I should look away, I thought as my heartbeat quickened. I shouldn't be looking at Edward Cullen for this long, I never had before and the plan was to never start. It was like he was holding me against my will invisibly, forcing me to stare at him. I couldn't look away – had his hair always been that shiny and bronze? If I were asked to describe him for a police report I would have said he had brown hair, maybe dark red, but I could see now that wasn't the case.

His tiny, dark haired sister suddenly turned my way. She glanced between the two of us and put her hand on his arm, breaking our gaze when she pulled him towards her. I turned in my seat as if I'd been slapped and felt a strong sense of betrayal surging through me. Of all the days for me to do this…. Angry tears welled up in my eyes and I pushed back my chair, the sound grating against my ears and causing my friends to look up. "I'm going to go to class." And with that I picked up my bag and left the lunchroom.

I spent the remaining twenty minutes wandering the campus because even if Mr. Banner _had_ opened up the classroom yet I wasn't that eager to spend any more time in that room than I had to today. When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch and the students started flooding out and heading on their way to their designated classes I trudged to the right building and tried to focus on keeping my emotions stable.

When I stepped inside, however, Edward Cullen was gone. My own eyes sought out a familiar pair for answers, and when I found Mike's he simply shrugged at me. I walked towards my desk, my eyes glued on the piece of folded white paper that was now evident on top of my desk. I let my bag drop to the floor and picked up the note, contemplating it for a moment before flipping it open. The most beautiful handwriting I had ever seen flowed smoothly across the page and I stared at it for a moment before reading the words.

_I won't bother you today of all days. I wish you well, and I'm sorry._

_Happy Birthday, Isabella Swan._

--

"That was a mighty good dinner, Bella."

I smiled warmly at Billy Black who was patting his stomach in appreciation and I took his cleaned plate from him. "You say that every time, Billy."

"And every time it's true. You outdo yourself, Bella."

Jacob leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head. "I don't suppose you have any leftovers, do you?"

I gawked at him. "You can't still be hungry!" He held up his hands defensively. "I didn't say I was! I'm just talking about food for later, where's the harm in that?"

"Later meaning…?"

"Around ten o' clock this evening, yes." He nodded seriously and I laughed even though I knew he meant what he said. Jacob had an appetite like a wolf. "You cleaned me out of house and home, Jacob," I teased. "I'm going to be hungry for a week thanks to you."

He waved a hand lazily in my direction. "Just come by the reserve, we'll feed you plenty." Charlie's fork hit his plate with a clatter and he wiped at his mustache with a napkin. "That was great, Bells." His chair scraped as he got up and he shook his head when I insisted he sit down again. "Cut it out, you baby me too much. If anyone should be sitting down today it's you."

The two of us cleaned up the kitchen from dinner and the work went quickly with Jacob and Billy there to comment and offer conversation. It was easy and it almost made me forget what today was. Almost.

"Are you guys sure you don't wanna stay a little bit longer?" I asked as Charlie and I walked the two of them out to their car a few hours later.

"No, no, we should be getting home. Jake here has school in the morning and I'm gettin' pretty wiped myself." Billy sighed regretfully. "It's not easy getting' old, Bella. Use your youth while you got it, hear?"

"Yeah, Billy, I will." He laughed and while Charlie and he said their goodbyes and made their weekend plans Jacob and I did the same. "See you soon, Bells," he said as he swept me up into a bone crushing hug.

Normally I would slam my fists against his back and gasp for air, begging to be let free, but tonight his hug was welcome. I clung back to him fiercely, his warm, earthy scent filling my nostrils in a comforting familiar way. "Call me soon, okay?" I asked and he gave me a quick squeeze around the middle before letting go. "I will," he promised to me before joining Billy in the car. Charlie and I waved briefly before going back inside the house.

"That was fun." He commented as we made our way to the living room.

"Yeah… it was."

There was an awkward silence for a minute before Charlie gave me an awkward, one-armed hug. "Happy seventeenth, Bells." He said gruffly.

I felt my eyes well up a bit and I nodded against him. "Thanks, Dad," I whispered thickly.

--

**Whew! Another chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Have questions? Good! Do you have this urge to know what's going on, or do you think you know? Hmm, maybe you do, maybe you don't. Keep reading (and reviewing, and faving, and subbing, etc.) to find out!**

I'd like to thank each of the reviewers for last chapter, as well as those who subbed and faved either me or the story. It means tons – reviews/feedback in general are my brand of heroin. See what I did there? Lol. Don't ever be afraid to drop me a line – I don't bite (unless you request it) and I'm generally a nice person who just wants to have fun and better my writing. 

**Next chapter will be up… at some point. I hope to have it up soon but I'm cramming in some work before I go see New Moon on Friday morning. And depending on how my editing goes with it, it might be longer than this chapter… a lot longer. Hope you don't mind. **

**Thanks for reading (and, you know, reviewing. You know you want to…)!**


	3. Could This Be Out of Line?

**Disclaimer: One of these days I'm hoping Stephenie Meyer will let me own Twilight for a day and allow me to keep any profit it makes that day. Until that day comes (or, you know, doesn't) I'm going to have to remind you all that I don't own any of this… except for the plot, sort of. **

**I promised longer, and I hope this meets your expectations. **

**Edward and Bella talk… sort of. **

**--**

_Could this be out of line to say you're the only one breaking me down like this?_

_--_

The weeks that passed were uneventful. Edward Cullen and I avoided eye contact as often as possible, and no communication of any kind had been attempted by either of us. I was filled to the brim with conflicting emotions about this and it caused me to toss and turn at night. On the one hand, making any kind of contact with Edward Cullen sent my mind reeling from betrayal to my family. Two months ago that would have been enough of a reason for me to nip all ideas in the bud, but two months ago I hadn't seen the look on his face in the cafeteria which was now burned into my retinas. Two months ago I didn't have a note written in his impeccable hand at the bottom of my school bag – crumpled from time, but it was still there.

I felt sick when I thought about it, but I couldn't deny that I wanted to talk to Edward Cullen. I was… curious. The Cullens had been painted as monsters in my eyes before I was even old enough to form lasting memories. I never questioned this because I didn't have a reason to. But the day that he skipped biology and left _me_ a note explaining his absence was for _my_ benefit… it showed thought, consideration. I hadn't believed a Cullen to be capable of that. It sounds callous, but it was the way I had been raised.

The fact of the matter was, however, that there was no way I _could_ possibly contact him. Gossip spread like wildfire in Forks, and there would be nothing greater than a Cullen and a Swan making open conversation with each other. Frankly, I didn't feel like explaining myself to Charlie over lasagna when it happened, and I didn't want to try to talk Jake out of gathering up his friends and cornering Edward Cullen after school one day.

I was determined to talk to Edward Cullen, and I was just as determined to find a plausible reason to do so.

--

It was mid-November now in Forks. The wet, brown leaves that usually drooped from the trees were now on the ground, sticking to sneakers and disgruntling those that attempted to keep nice polished lawns. There was a chill in the air that nipped at my nose, and while I knew that it didn't hold a candle to the cold that was coming that would leave me shivering in my boots, even I could appreciate the changing seasons. The school was buzzing with holiday plans and hopes, and a festive feeling hung around that was hard to shake. Therefore, it was the job of the teachers to do their best to remove it.

"Your assignment for the next three weeks is to pick a subject that we've covered so far in the year and construct a four page paper as well as an accompanying a five minute presentation for the class that will be given just before the holiday break." Groans filled the classroom at Mr. Banner's announcement and I had the sneaking suspicion he was fighting back a roll of his eyes. "This is a _group assignment_," I felt my cheeks heat up when I saw his gaze flicker towards my table. "And it's worth twenty-five-percent of your grade on the mid-term."

While Mr. Banner busied himself with the slide projector that was going to be a part of today's lesson, the room buzzed with voices, loud and soft, discussing this latest development. Some were undoubtedly brainstorming over what their topic should be, but I distinctly heard the words "Cullen", "Swan", and "should be interesting" float through the air. I knew I should be concerned or at least annoyed, but the wheels in my head were too busy turning over this new event. Edward Cullen and I would have to speak now – Charlie couldn't object to me trying to pass biology, could he? I grimaced inwardly because, yes, Charlie could and would in fact object to me trying to pass biology if it meant keeping in contact with a Cullen.

I looked over my shoulder to the partners who were chatting with each other – some were animated, some were more subdued, and others looked miserable. But none of them were actually looking at _us_. Should I push my luck? Perhaps the better question was could I bear not to?

I opened my mouth a centimeter before clamping it shut again. Huh. Interesting. Charlie had done well – my mouth absolutely refused to cooperate with my mind's will to speak. I deliberated over this for a moment before digging into my backpack and pulling out my notebook. I felt a pair of eyes on me and shivered – I had a hunch that I knew exactly who they belonged to – but didn't look up because then I'd lose my nerve for sure. I uncapped my pen and pressed the tip against the clean lined paper, my handwriting coming out more scribblish and uneven than normal courtesy of my lightly shaking hand.

_What do you think the project should be on?_

I held my breath and shoved it sideways, the motion coming to an abrupt halt when it slammed into something solid but soft – an arm. I didn't look up or even glance anywhere to that side of me. The twenty seconds that passed seemed more like twenty minutes and I found myself wishing I could sink into the floor or start vomiting blood, anything that would excuse me from the rest of the lesson.

And then there was the almost inaudible sound of a pen scratching against paper before there was a gentle push against my arm as the notebook was slid back to me.

I glanced down and felt my ego take a blow – his handwriting was so gorgeous compared to mine.

_I'm partial to cell structure._

I raised an eyebrow before scrawling back my response.

_Isn't that a bit basic?_

I could have sworn I heard him laugh but I wasn't brave enough to look at him just yet.

_It's basic, but essential and easily skipped over because of its basic standing. _

My lips pressed together and I heard him laugh again – this time there was no mistaking it. My eyes shot up involuntarily and I caught him in the act. His lips were curved up in a lopsided manner and the corners of his eyes crinkled just so. My heart stuttered for a moment and I felt like someone had sucker-punched me. I dropped my eyes quickly and picked up my pen.

_If I fail you're a dead man._

_You sound as if you lack confidence._

_I do._

_Why?_

_Because._

_Because is not an answer._

I had to flip a page over in my notebook. The lights were dimmed and the projector was humming away in front of us, but now that I'd started conversing with him, albeit in an unconventional way, I couldn't seem to stop.

I didn't want to.

_Because I can't even talk with my lab partner. How am I supposed to get a passing grade when I can't elaborate on details that could make the difference between a pass and a fail?_

I watched him this time and his face fell somber as he read my reply. His mouth pulled down at the corners and his forehead creased while he stared at the words on the page.

_You can talk to me, Isabella._

My breath caught in my throat and I stiffened. It was the second time he had written my name – considering who he was it was just as significant as if he had vocalized it – and it made me feel uneasy. Names were… familiar. I couldn't get familiar with him, _wouldn't_ get familiar with him no matter how much we needed to talk – or something to that effect – because of this assignment.

_Why did you cut biology?_

He knew what I was talking about – he had yet to skip another day.

I did not get a reply.

When Mr. Banner flipped the lights on after the bell rang he flew out of the room just as he did every other day. Unlike every other day, this time it bothered me.

--

_We should talk._

I felt my eyebrows rise up to my hairline but I didn't say a word when his notebook touched my arm.

Three days had passed and we had yet to communicate in any way. I'd begun brainstorming on ways to make the topic we'd chosen creative – I wasn't going to suffer just because he bailed on me. I found myself looking at him more often than I would have liked, but he never looked at me once. The conversation that we'd had in my notebook was still there and I purposefully flipped past it each time I opened my book to a new section. I think part of me was hoping I would see some hidden message from his words explaining why he'd shown enough compassion to drop out gracefully that day.

_Isabella, we should talk about the project._

I sighed more heavily than I wanted to and reluctantly picked up my own pen.

_I've already started working on it. _

_It's a group project._

_I thought you were done talking to me._

_How could I be done talking when we've never said one word to each other?_

_Are you ever going to answer my question?_

He paused then and frowned in displeasure. Evidently he hadn't been anticipating me to reopen the subject so quickly. I could see the war in his eyes – to give me some sort of response, any response at all so we could do our work, or to ignore me and walk out on me again as he had before. Thankfully it was the former who won.

_I can't answer that today, Isabella. I don't know if I'll ever be able to._

It was my turn to take a pause now and I considered my answer carefully. I needed communications to remain open - for the grade, of course, I reminded myself – but at the same time I wanted to know what could have possessed him to leave for my benefit. I sighed unhappily and wrote back my response, the former winning with me as well.

_No one calls me Isabella._

His cocked an eyebrow before his hand found the paper again.

_What do they call you?_

_My friends call me Bella or Bells or any number of the nicknames you can derive from it._

A thoughtful expression crossed his face and he seemed to be contemplating something that wasn't unknown but was unpleasant just the same.

_We're not friends._

I sucked in a sharp breath. It shouldn't be a surprise. It _wasn't_ a surprise. I had never once considered Edward Cullen my friend. But seeing the words in print made them… harsher. It seemed to set them in stone, blocking free will and paths that might lead that way in a different, less twisted world.

_No, we aren't._ I wrote back in agreement and felt a pang in my chest as I shoved the notebook towards him and watched his face. Remorse?

I took it back from him before he could respond and quickly wrote again.

_Lauren Mallory calls me Bella, too._

I let him read it before shutting my notebook as the bell rang and getting up out of my seat, leaving first for a change without looking back once.

--

The rest of the week was spent in the same way. We communicated using our notebooks, sometimes discussing our project, and sometimes, inadvertently, veering off onto other topics. Occasionally there would be questions that neither one of us would answer; when this happened the conversation was ended for the day.

Slowly our paper began to get cobbled together. One of us took what we had written and passed it off to the other who would take it home and integrate it into what they had. The finished piece would then be returned to the other who would refine what they had meant and scribble their arguments for taking something out or adding it in into the margins. It wasn't the most effective method, but considering our situation it all we could do.

This didn't solve the problem of our presentation, though.

_What are we going to do?_

I rested my cheek on my hand as I stared at him intently, waiting for his response.

He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at it slightly, and picked up his pen. He put it to the paper but stopped for a moment as if unsure of what he was about to write. He did this three more times before ink finally touched the page.

_Meet me in the multi-purpose room after your last class. _

I swallowed thickly and felt nerves seize me. Everything about this situation screamed danger - the two of us disappearing into the same room had to be noticed.

_Are you sure that's a good idea?_

_Trust me._

I scoffed at that and he looked at me inquisitively.

_I don't think so._

"Try."

If I hadn't been watching him I don't think I would have seen the way his lips opened or the flash of his teeth as he uttered the word in a quiet whisper. The sound of his voice washed over me and I felt high, dizzy, disoriented. It was the very first word that he'd ever spoken to me, and it was likely the first word a Cullen and a Swan had spoken to each other in almost two decades. I stared at him in disbelief and the corner of his mouth twitched a bit but his eyes were just as terrified and uncertain as I felt.

--

I didn't meet him that afternoon. Part of the reason was because I was afraid, and that fear could be broken down into several subcategories as well. But mostly I was angry, with him and with myself. He was Edward Cullen and I was Isabella Swan. By some unfortunate twist of fate we'd been thrown together in a junior year biology class and forced to endure sharing the same workspace as the other. Because of this I _did_ have to open up some form of communication with him in order to do the required coursework.

But that didn't mean I had to enjoy it.

I lay on my back on top of my bed, my CD player beside me, headphones clapped firmly over my ears with the volume up full blast. The angry, shrieking, bass thumping music filled my ears and caused my head to throb, but it did nothing to rid myself of the hot shame that had been eating away at me ever since I left Mr. Banner's classroom that afternoon.

"_Try."_

I squeezed my eyes shut and wrapped my arms around my middle, trying to hold myself together. His voice made my stomach feel like it was falling all over the floor. It was a violent and disgusting image, but nothing else seemed to fit. My insides were doing so much more than just flipping or swooping by this point. I was positive I'd heard him speak before – we'd been in the same schools together since first grade after all – but this was the first time it had ever been directed at me. It was like seeing my name on paper written by him, except… more. So much more.

I'd gone seventeen years hating him. It was simple. I knew why I hated him, and I knew how to hate him. I didn't know how to like the sound of his laugh. I didn't know when I started to notice the exact shade of his bronze hair. What had he done to warrant such an exception? The Cullens, all of them, weren't any good.

I closed my eyes and fell into a fitful sleep and dreamt of cell structures, Edward Cullen, and my mother.

--

The next day he didn't say a word and neither of us used our notebooks. I could feel the tension radiating off him and he sat much farther away from him than he ever had before. I bit my lip at this new development but looked straight ahead and took detailed notes on the lecture of the day. When the bell rang he got up quickly, just like he always did, and breezed past me. As he walked by me he dropped a piece of paper onto the desk in front of me, unfolded, his perfect script taunting me.

_It won't happen again. _

I stared at it for a moment before folding it smoothly and depositing it in the bottom of my bag.

Gym was more like Hell than usual because I was forced to participate in order to make the badminton groups even. Mike was my partner and I gave him an apologetic smile when he jogged over to me with a good natured grin on his face.

"Sorry about this, Mike."

"It's alright - just remind me to kill Crowley for skipping out today." He threw a wink in my direction and I quickly averted my gaze.

To say the game was miserable would be an understatement. I stayed out of the way for the most part and Mike skillfully handled the game without my interference. There was one time when the birdie came towards me and on instinct I threw what was in my hand in its direction. My very heavy racket landed directly on Mike's head, the scene moving in slow motion as I realized what I'd done.

"I'm sorry!" Forty-five minutes later I was still apologizing as we left the gym, my cheeks a permanent tomato red. "I tried not to, but I just…" my hand waved uselessly in the air and I fought the urge to bury my face in them to hide the red stain of my mortification.

"Chill, Bella." Mike grinned at me and rubbed the spot on his head where the racket had collided with him. "I hardly even feel it anymore." His wince called him out as a liar when he hit an apparent sore patch. "If you want, though…" he suddenly seemed nervous and a knot of dread twisted in me. "I mean, you could… we could… if you wanted to make it up to me, we could…"

"I, uh…" I stammered over my words, no better at rejecting him politely than he was at attempting to lure me out with him for the umpteenth time. Jacob was like family – I knew that no matter how many times I'd turn him down he would always be there in the end. I worried that at times this caused me to be too insensitive with him, but I never lacked the proper words for what to say to him. With Mike it was different, though; we ate lunch together, we had a lot of the same friends, and if I didn't say yes he'd assume his competition lay with one of his friends and things could get ugly. Not to mention there was the small fact that Jessica had a crush on him and was dying for him to notice her.

"I'll have to… think about it?" My reply was more of a question than a definitive answer and I was at a loss about whether or not that was the right thing to say or if it would only pump him up.

Unfortunately, it seemed to do just that. He was infinitely more cheered at the prospect of me _thinking_ of going out with him and he said goodbye with a bounce in his step. I groaned and walked across the parking lot to get to my truck, aiming a kick at the tires to get out my frustrations.

--

The next day in biology Edward was still much farther away from me than I would have liked. I tried to ignore the way it bothered me that I wanted him to sit at a normal distance. I flipped to a clean page in my notebook and began to scribble down my message.

_We need to work on the presentation._

I received only one word in response, but honestly I was thankful to get even that much.

_When?_

I stole his plan from two days ago and pushed my notebook towards him. He looked up at me for a moment after reading it before writing back quickly with an inquisitive look on his face.

_Are you sure?_

_Do you have a better idea?_

He shook his head as he wrote.

_Of course not, there is no better idea. This one was mine to begin with, wasn't it?_

I scowled at him but looked away when I saw the tell-tale twitch of his lips.

We were silent – by tongue and by pen – for the rest of the class, and for the first time ever we both got up at the same time and left the room in sync, separating just outside to head our respective ways.

Gym passed uneventfully and I was able to avoid Mike for the majority of that period, ducking behind other students and staying far away from the action at all times. It was easy enough to do because no one ever expected me to come forward and no one tried to get me to.

I took my time changing in the locker room, tuning out the mindless babble of Jessica and Lauren, my insides twisting into complex skating patterns while I waited for the place to empty - the fewer people lingering around to watch me leave and notice where I was going, the better.

I didn't breathe again until I finally made it to the door of the multi-purpose room, a place I only knew by the map that I'd received on my first day freshmen year. The entire way there I looked over my shoulders, paranoid as if expecting to see Jacob or my father peering out from behind a corner ready to jump out and say, _"Aha!"_

My eyes swept the room, searching for him and found an assortment of tables, chairs, comfy looking couches along the wall, and ancient instruments that must have been leftover from fifty years ago. Towards the back of the room there was a grand piano and a mop of messy, shiny hair peeked out from just above the lid. The deep, solid sound of the notes floated through the air and I vaguely recognized a scale from what little I knew about the piano.

I swallowed down the urge to speak and walked carefully towards him, trying to figure out the best way to attract his attention without speaking, without touching, and without startling him so badly we wound up breaking the piano.

He. _He_ wound up breaking the piano.

Luckily, however, his eyes looked up and caught mine, a grin breaking out across his face that did funny things to my legs, and the scale exercise cut off abruptly. Reluctantly I smiled back, the action feeling foreign in this setting. I broke his gaze and looked around the room, my arm gesturing around nervously as if to ask, _"Should we sit?"_

He nodded and got up from the bench, loping gracefully to one of the tables where his book lay, already open. I trailed four steps behind him and dropped my bag onto the ground with a thud before falling into the chair next to him. He reached down and moments later reappeared with a stack of index cards and a sheet of paper, the latter of which clearly had his tentative outline for the presentation laid out on it.

I surveyed it for a moment before shrugging my shoulders – once again he and I were eerily on the same page. The self-satisfied smirk he shot in my direction indicated he knew that and all I could do was glare in response.

We spent the first half hour of our meeting arranging our note cards and deciding which one of us would get to make the accompanying model – while arts and crafts had never been my forte, I wasn't entirely willing to let him dominate such an important part of the project. Our forced compromise was to make it here after school one day.

Therefore, I was surprised when he suddenly pushed a new piece of paper towards me.

_You seem distracted._

I looked down at it and sighed before shifting my eyes to him. His stare somehow seemed like he was staring right through me, picking apart each component that made me up, but it was not intimidating, although I knew full well it should have been considering who it was.

I pondered whether I should brush him off, when suddenly I was struck by a glorious idea. I couldn't talk to Edward Cullen, and he couldn't say if he had talked to me. Whatever I told him was guaranteed to remain between the two of us. I could tell him about Mike and Jessica and the triangle that seemed to be forming despite all my best intentions.

I pulled the piece of paper closer and quickly wrote back.

_Mike Newton asked me out. Again. And I'm running out of good ways to turn him down._

This amused him for some reason and he couldn't contain his chuckles as his pen flowed across the paper in response.

_Have you tried to tell him you don't like him?_

_I do like him, just… not in the way he likes me._

_Have you tried telling him _that_?_

_I can't. I hate confrontation and if I told him that he'd take it the wrong way. We eat lunch together every day; it would cause trouble, especially if Jessica found out. _

_Does Jessica like him?_

I didn't write back to this and apparently my responding look was enough for him.

_Are you more worried about damaging Mike's feelings or what Jessica will do if she finds out?_

I considered this for a moment before beginning a tentative response.

_Both. I don't want the trouble that could come out of either situation. _

_If Jessica is your friend she'll understand, though._

_Have you met Jessica Stanley?_

His answering laugh was both startling and warm and I found myself smiling in spite of myself.

His twinkling green eyes dimmed a bit as we looked at each other. The remnants of the grin on his face gradually faded and he appeared contemplative. He didn't look away from me as he picked up his pen, only dropping his gaze as he wrote.

_Why does every male seem to be infatuated with you? What's so special about you?_

My cheeks heated and I couldn't decide whether I was more embarrassed or insulted. I felt… something… bubbling up inside of me and I suddenly bolted up out of my chair. I grabbed my section of note cards and papers and shoved them into my bag. He sat there looking dumbfounded, as if he had no idea what he'd said, and suddenly a flash of comprehension colored his face followed by something else – horror?

He made as if to get up but I was already on my way out the door.

On the drive home his question echoed in my head and my hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, the same strange feeling gnawing at me. I was bewildered as to why his questions, one I had asked myself numerous times over the years, seemed to bother me so much. Was it because I was shallower than I thought and I actually believed I was worthy of the embarrassing attention people like Mike Newton and Jacob Black showered on me? No, I didn't think so. I'd try to encourage it then, and I never, ever did, at least not purposefully.

Deep in my mind I thought I had the answer to both what this feeling was and why it bothered me so much. Acknowledging it, however, was out of the question. I had the sinking feeling that whether I liked it or not I was going to be forced to acknowledge and endure many tumultuous emotions with Edward Cullen. One more day of ignorance was the coward's way out, but it was a peaceful way.

--

**Phew!** **Another chapter! This actually turned out a lot longer than I thought it would be, but I doubt (hope) that won't be cause for complaint. I do have to apologize for not getting it up sooner, though; it was supposed to be up Wednesday but life got busy and I had to revise this and tweak it here and there to make the future chapters flow smoother. **

**I'm going to address what I could see as a potential concern/complaint. **_**Edward and Bella passing notes? How high school! **_**You're right! And it fits… since they are in high school. Trust me, this has to happen this way, and I'll try to de-lame it as much as possible, haha.**

**I'll try to have the next chapter up much sooner than this one. It's going well, but Edward is trying to rush things, and when I don't do what he wants he walks right out of my head and makes writing anything impossible. **

**Thank you SO much to each and every one of you who reviewed/favorited/subscribed! I responded to each of the reviewers, but unfortunately FFnet was being fail-worthy a lot that day, so I'm not sure that all of them went through. I do appreciate every single one of them, though! They mean the world to me. **

**Time to wrap this thing up. Thanks for reading! xoxo**


	4. Just So You Know

**Disclaimer: So you know those people who are making lots of money off the massive success of New Moon? I'm not one of them. I'm amongst the people who shelled out ten bucks to see their beauty on the big screen, which is as close as I'll ever get to them. Needless to say since I'm not making any money off them, I don't own them and am just playing with these people down here. So please don't sue.**

**A/N: I can has award for longest disclaimer ever?**

--

_Just so you know, this feeling's taking control of me and I can't help it._

_--_

_You left yesterday._

_I didn't mean it the way it sounded._

_I'm sorry._

_Isabella, please, talk to me._

He pushed his notebook towards me four times in a row, the dent between his eyebrows growing more pronounced with each failed attempt at getting me to pick up my pen and respond to him. I saw his jaw working furiously as I glared over at him.

_You're being a child about this._

I scoffed under my breath and shook my head but internally I knew he was right. It was stupid of me to be upset with him, and it was even more stupid of me to be acting the way I was. He was a Cullen and I was a Swan. No matter what sort of strange comradeship we'd forged, the tension would remain. When all this was said and done, we would be as we were before.

I was in strong denial about how hollow I felt thinking about that.

I picked up my pencil and, disregarding the way the new excited energy seemed to radiate off him in waves, began to finally write back.

_Meet me later._

His frustration returned but to a much more minor degree.

_Same place?_

I nodded and he set his mouth in a grim manner, evidently not happy that I hadn't written anything yet again, but he accepted the information.

--

When I walked into the multi-purpose room that afternoon I heard the most beautiful music filling the room. It lived, it breathed, it had a soul, and a purpose with its existence. I'd never had a piano growing up – to be honest I couldn't imagine having the patience to learn anything more than 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' – but the way the notes could weave together when skillfully played had always fascinated and soothed me. I even knew some pieces by name, but I had never heard this one. It was unacceptable, too, because this new mystery song was unambiguously my favorite piece.

It ended suddenly and a pair of green eyes met mine as their owner sat up gracefully from the bench and made as if to walk towards the table. I shook my head emphatically and he paused mid-step, a quizzical expression on his face.

I went to the table and dug my notebook out, quickly scrawling a message.

_You play more than scales?_

That funny, crooked grin turned up on his mouth and I willed my heart to slow down. He nodded his head and I bent my head to write again.

_Will you play for me?_

The last two words were hastily scribbled over but the way his eyes read the paper I had a feeling I might as well have written them in red marker. He didn't say or do anything and I was close to taking back my notebook and forgetting I'd ever said anything when he looked up at me and nodded. His hand twitched at his side as if he wanted to reach out and grab my arm, but thankfully for the both of us he refrained. In lieu of this he jerked his head backwards and I followed him towards the piano bench.

He sat down on the bench, leaving me a little more than half to sit on beside him, but I shook my head. He rolled his eyes but realized he wouldn't win this time and lifted his hands, his skin tone contrasting beautifully against the black and white keys.

And then he played and I forgot why I was ever angry with him to begin with.

I could honestly say that Edward Cullen put Mozart to shame. The music was longing and content, joyful and heartbroken, full of love and complexity, and a thousand other emotions that I could barely begin to name. And the _look_ he got on his face…. He was concentrating on his work, making sure his flying fingers never hit a wrong note, but he was also just as entranced as I was – he _had_ to keep playing or else… there was no 'or else' because there was no alternative. He simply couldn't stop.

I wasn't sure when I wound up on the bench, but when the final notes drifted through the air I became aware of my surroundings. My mind told me to move, to get up and get away from him, but oddly enough my legs stayed firmly rooted to the ground and I didn't lift a finger.

The silence was deafening, the atmosphere thick with a number of feelings that rivaled the ones he'd woven into the song.

There was a pull. I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to, I knew I should, I knew it was dangerous for my sanity if I didn't… but I couldn't. Over the two and a half weeks that I'd spent exchanging notes with Edward Cullen, something within me had been struggling to shift. At times I'd ignored it, restrained it, shouted it down, and gotten so sick over it I nearly threw up. It had always been an idea, though; I could dream for a thousand years and I would never have dreamed that the shift would win one day.

"That was beautiful."

My voice was a hoarse, timid whisper, thick with emotion, and yes even fear.

His eyes snapped to me, shock written plain as day on his face.

And then he was afraid. Amazed. Hopeful. They moved so fast I couldn't count, but I knew that I reciprocated _every_ single one of them.

--

It was Friday now and my mood had rapidly been decreasing as the week went on. Today was the four week mark for the biology project and Edward and I had just finished our presentation. Apparently he was right about the project all along – Mr. Banner appreciated our thoughtfulness to such a small detail, and because it wasn't too complex we didn't get overwhelmed with trying to understand what we were talking about.

Edward's smugness, however, was getting on my nerve.

_Will you stop smirking?_

Ever since that day at the piano we'd hardly said anything to each other and notes were once again our go-to form of communication. Hesitant hi's were about as close as we got to talking with each other, and even those were usually whispered or mumbled, so unless we were both paying attention the moment would pass us by completely.

_Are you going to admit I was right?_

_No._

_Then no, I won't stop smirking._

I scowled at him and his smirk deepened, his eyes dancing in triumph. I turned away from him pointedly although I didn't even have the excuse of trying to pay attention to the class. After we'd given our reports Mr. Banner had given up on trying to keep our attention and allowed us to do whatever we pleased. Christmas was in less than a week and so far it had snowed twice in Forks – light dustings that barely lasted for two hours, but the feelings they elicited in the majority of the population were still the same.

There was a push against my arm then and reluctantly I looked down to see his notebook resting near me.

_Does this continue?_

I looked down at his elegant script and my tongue twisted, while a lump formed in my throat, and my fingers turned into icicles – fragile, spun as fine as glass, and ready to shatter at any moment should I even attempt to pick up a pen. I could feign ignorance, but I knew he would see right through that. In the past month I had gotten used to the strange partnership we'd struck up. I liked it. He was witty, and it was easy to talk to him, much easier than it should be.

_Bella?_

My name was underlined as if to stress his annoyance that I hadn't yet answered. I gave him a small smile and held up one finger: _wait._

He huffed under his breath and retrieved his pen, presumably to write something else, but then stopped, his eyes darkening as he spotted a figure over my head.

"Hey, Bella," an eager voice greeted me.

"Hey, Mike." I turned to him and forced a grin, eyeing the clock carefully.

"That was a pretty great presentation you did." He scratched the back of his neck while he offered the compliment and I heard a small snort of laughter from behind me. Fighting the urge to throw something at Edward I kept my grin in place.

"Thanks," I said. "Yours was pretty good too." I wasn't lying; I just couldn't remember what exactly his presentation had been. There had been a lot of fumbling and model dropping that was painful to watch, so I hadn't.

"Thanks." He seemed to genuinely appreciate my compliment which led me to believe the presentation had been as painful to watch as I assumed it had been. "So, listen, I was wondering if maybe… you'd thought any more about going out together? I was thinking since, you know, we're going to be on vacation we could head to Port Angeles or maybe even Seattle… There's going to be some great movies and we could get dinner, or…."

I thought fast and fumbled out an excuse, feeling Lauren Mallory's eyes burning into the back of my skull. This definitely wouldn't go unreported – couldn't he have picked a more tactful way to ask me?

"I, um… I'll have to think… I might just go to stay in La Push during Christmas break, you know? I've been busy so I should see how everyone there is doing." Mike looked slightly crestfallen but nodded along anyway. "But if it changes then I'll definitely let you know."

He gave me a glum parting before trudging back to his table and I carefully turned in my seat so my body was inclined more in Edward's direction. I raised an eyebrow when I saw him looking at me with an amused smile that didn't quite touch his eyes in the right way. _"What?"_ I mouthed to him. He shook his head and pushed his notebook against me insistently.

The bell began to ring and I scribbled my message frantically before shoving his notebook back at him and jumping up from my seat. It was in his hands now. He could choose to reply to my question when we came back from break, thus keeping this truce we'd established, or he could ignore it and we would be as we were when the year began. I wished more than I should that he would choose the first option.

_Why did you skip that day?_

--

"Bella! Look out!"

I huffed as I fell chest forward onto the snow, thoroughly disgruntled. Seconds later a massive body flopped down next to me, grunting as it collided with the snow.

"Did they get you?" Jake asked me breathlessly. I groaned and shook my head. "I don't think so." My back felt perfectly fine still, and usually it would be throbbing if I had gotten hit with one of the massive snowballs the Quileute boys rolled. There were howling calls in the distance as Jake and I crawled through the snow towards his house, the designated neutral territory. "I think I'm gonna head in," I said as I heaved myself up.

"What? No way!" He was indignant and tried to yank me back down again. "We'll be outnumbered if you quit on us now!"

"Jake," I sighed and tugged my coat sleeve free from his strong grasp. "I'm tired, and you know I hate getting cold and wet." I frowned in distaste at the pair of jeans I had on that were nearly soaked through and I was devoutly grateful that I had thought far enough in advance to bring another pair to go home in.

"I'll come with you." He made as if to pull himself up.

"And leave them stranded without their best player? No way!" I protested and gave him a solid, useless shove. "Get back out there, I'll make sure Emily saves you some corn muffins."

"You're the best, Bells," he grinned at me, his white teeth glowing like hot coals in contrast with his russet skin and matching the falling snow perfectly.

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled as I trudged through the snow towards the door. I pushed against it and stepped inside onto the mat, stomping my feet and shaking the snow off my pant legs as best as I could.

"Bella!" Emily Young chided me from the stove, taking a break from stirring the large pot of chili she was cooking. "You're soaked!"

"Not really," I mumbled as I tugged my hat off, my hair flat and full of static at the same time. The house was deliciously warm and cozy and I quickly peeled off the rest of my layers. Emily took my wet things from me and proceeded to hang them on a rack by the radiator to dry and I dug out my dry pair of jeans and went to Jake's room to change into them. When I got back out the chili was bubbling away and Emily was removing some fresh corn muffins from the oven. One of them would easily match the entire span of one of my hands.

"Need some help?" I offered as I picked up one of the cooling racks and held it out to her.

"Thanks, Bella," her answering smile was beautiful. Emily had the kind of beauty that was soft, and warm, and made you feel jealous no matter how much makeup you had on. There was only one other person in this area of Washington that could outshine her beauty on a technicality and no one would dare say her name.

As soon as the muffins were out of the tray I moved to put two of them on a plate, feeling slightly guilty under Emily's watchful stare. "Jake made me promise," I explained as I blew on my fingers. Her lips twitched and she busied herself with the chili once more.

"Jake really likes you, you know," she said to me as she stirred the pot.

I shifted uncomfortably in my spot and picked nervously at the edge of one of the muffins. "Yeah, I know."

Emily, along with everyone else on the reservation, expected Jake and I to happen, but unlike everyone else on the reservation Emily rarely forced the issue. I imagine it had something to do with the fact that everyone had expected her and Sam Uley to end up together – she knew exactly what I was going through.

"So how was school this semester, Bella?" Unlike the other times this question was posed to me I didn't feel threatened or like I had to be on guard. "Any interesting classes?"

"Not really," I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. "English isn't anything new, and gym…." She chuckled warmly as I trailed off – even she knew how uncoordinated I was. I bit my lip, hesitating. "Biology is good, too," I added after a moment.

I saw her mouth set into a line out of habit but she quickly turned her lips up into an encouraging smile. "Good," she commented. "I imagined it would be one of the… harder classes, so I'm glad you enjoy it."

"Yeah…" I murmured. "I like it… a lot."

I had a funny feeling I wasn't simply referring to the class.

"Why don't you go call the boys? We're just about ready to eat and it's going to take ages for them to get out of their wet things."

I complied and stayed out of the way while the tiny kitchen and living room began to explode with Jake and his friends getting out of their soaking coats and gloves.

I sat next to Jake on his bed, one of the only places left unoccupied in the entire house, and we ate our food in companionable silence. Well, I ate, he shoveled it into his mouth with animalistic fury.

"Ugh, Jake, that's gross," I frowned in distaste at the way his cheeks puffed out from the amount of food he held in them. He rolled his eyes and swallowed. "I won't apologize for my manly appetite," he retorted and I shook my head before taking a bite of my corn muffin.

"So when are you going to be coming out here again?" he asked before taking another mouthful of food. "I was hoping we could head out to the junk yard and try to find some parts for the Rabbit."

The Rabbit was Jacob's newest find and his absolute pride and joy. He was determined to all but rebuild it and since I was his preferred companion I usually drove him all over creation trying to find new parts for it. The problem was, more often than not Jacob would try to take advantage of this alone time as much as he could. It was annoying and painful to have to turn him down time and again and remind him of what my feelings for him were. He never showed if it got to him, but the guilt still gnawed at me, and I longed for the day when someone would steal his heart.

"Sure, Jake," I said with a smile. "That sounds great."

--

"Can't you drive any faster?"

"Mind your manners," I snapped at Jacob over the rumbling of my truck. It had been roughly a week since that day in La Push and we were on our way from the junk yard to Port Angeles to see if we could find a book I'd heard about but hadn't thought to ask about for Christmas. He was sitting next to me in my truck, turning the grease blackened pieces he'd rummaged up over and over in his hands, anticipation and impatience rolling off him in suffocating waves.

"Can't you get it another day?"

I groaned and my grip tightened on my steering wheel. "No, Jacob, I can't. The Rabbit will still be there when we get back, so be quiet and quit griping. I'm not coming all this way to turn back, unless you want to reimburse me for gas."

He said nothing in response but mumbled under his breath, cleaning the pieces with an old cloth that he had used to search through some of the nastier sections of the junk yard.

The small streets of Port Angeles soon came into view and I parked the truck at the first spot I came across, jumping out of the cab in relief. "C'mon," I called to Jake who followed me obediently towards one of the bookshops that had become a favorite of mine over the years.

The bell jingled as we stepped inside and the warmth was welcoming after walking through the nipping wind. Jake made a beeline for the graphic novels while I went towards the desk. "Hello," I greeted the old woman behind the desk with a small smile. "I was wondering if you might be able to help me." I gave her the name of the book and she disappeared with surprising ease through the stacks of books into the backroom where they stored their newer releases.

The bell clanged gently in the background but the sound was so common in the bookshop that I didn't bother to pay any attention as I perused decorative bookmarks that were crammed into tiny spinning display racks across the counter.

"Bella…"

My heart jumped into my throat and I'm not sure my body didn't follow suit into the air when I heard his quiet, barely discernible whisper of my name. It was the first time he'd said it out loud, it was the first time we'd spoken to each other in any way, shape, or form outside of school.

I spun in my spot and my brown eyes locked on his green ones, my legs strangely numb while I took him in for the first time in weeks.

I didn't say a word. I simply stood there like a deer caught in headlights, the air heated around us like we were caught in an electric current.

"What are you doing here?" He asked me in another whisper.

It took awhile for my tongue to work right.

"Book." I swallowed and forced my nerves back down. "I came to get a book," the words that made up my obvious answer tumbled out of my mouth in a broken, uneven sentence. "What… about you?"

That infuriatingly pleasant crooked smile of his made an appearance. "The same." He murmured.

"Cullen."

I sucked in a breath and looked behind me to see Jacob approaching the two of us, his chin set and his frame stiff. If I was with anyone else I would have rolled my eyes or even laughed at his behavior, but this was no laughing matter.

"Jacob," I warned him, placing both hands on my hips – if I couldn't grow taller I could at least grow wider. "Knock it off."

He ignored me, of course.

"What do you think you're doing here?"

"It's a shop, Black," was Edward's cool response and his own posture shifted subtly, as if he were readying himself. "As far as I knew I was still allowed to shop wherever I pleased."

"Yeah, well, shows what you know, doesn't it?" Jacob sneered at him and took a step forward. I copied him and put one of my hands on his chest, pushing against him.

"Jake, don't."

"Don't what, Bella?" He didn't look at me, his eyes still locked permanently on Edward. "I haven't laid a finger on him."

"The last time I checked you could still get in trouble for harassment," I gave him another fruitless shove.

"Bella," he fumed. I could see his fingers itching to grab me and put me out of the way. "His father--"

"My father has nothing to do with this." Edward cut across him and his sharp voice sent shivers up my spine.

"Like _hell_ he doesn't, you filthy--"

"Is there a problem here?"

All three of us turned to look at the clerk who had returned from the backroom with a book in hand, her black eyes surveying the scene before her with distaste. Neither one of them answered her so, after another shove at Jake, I did.

"No," my voice was strained. "Everything is fine, things just got… a little bit out of hand. Jake," I turned back to him and fixed him with my sternest gaze. "Go wait out in the car, I'll be right out."

"Are you nuts?" His tone and expression were clearly questioning my sanity. What Swan in this day and age would want to remain in a bookshop alone with a Cullen?

"Go."

He glowered at me, and then Edward, keeping his gaze fastened on him until he left the store and disappeared.

I fished some money out of my purse, handing it over after I was told the price, and I took my book with stiff, clumsy fingers. The adrenaline was still surging through me, making everything on the edges of my mind fuzzy and dizzy. I turned around but stumbled back instantly when I realized I nearly walked right into Edward. "Sorry…" I murmured quietly. I hoped he knew I was sorry for more than that.

His mouth was set in a grim line that looked out of place on his beautiful face and he nodded slowly. "See you at school."

I looked at him for a moment longer before brushing past him and shoving the door open with force.

--

**So some big things happened in this chapter. I can think of 3 off the top of my head, one of them MUCH more obvious than the others. Did you catch them? ;) **

**I'm VERY sorry about the delay in getting this chapter up. It was supposed to be up about a week ago but my computer got infected with a virus and I had to take care of it. I'm still not POSITIVE it's gone so I might have to reinstall the OS at some point just to be safe. The good news is that I have chapters banked so apart from revision and making sure the plot flows smoothly from one to the next, delays shouldn't be **_**too**_** bad. **

**I want to thank all of you (again!) for the reviews! I haven't written fic in a few years so it blows my mind that you're all liking this. I'm happy to hear from every single one of you, whether you leave one word or one hundred, and I do try my best to respond to all of you (if my computer of FFnet isn't involved in large scale fail when I do). I also want to say how happy I am with the way the developments of last chapter were received and that I didn't receive the backlash I thought I left myself open to. **

**I'm going to wrap this up soon, I promise, but right now I want to remind people that the story isn't going to end immediately right when Bella and Edward get together. Ahem, spoiler alert (though I think you all figured out it was heading that way, right?). Nor is it going to be necessarily… happy. Don't be alarmed, I fix what I break, at least in fic world. **

**Also, for anyone who cares (to be honest I'd be stunned if the number was very large) I'm on twitter, where I ramble pointlessly about life and its frustrations, vent about my writing (and occasionally slip in lines of what I'm working on right then) and overshare on all SORTS of levels. If you're so inclined to, you can feel free to follow me/stalk me (although my tweets are protected). The link is on my profile page under homepage (which is stupid since it's really not my homepage).**

**So for people who know me, this rambling thing is kind of normal. If you read through it you get a cookie and an afternoon with Edward at the piano. **

**Thanks for reading/reviewing/subbing/faving, and I hope to hear from you soon!**


	5. This Time It's Sink Or Swim

**Disclaimer: Disclaimer's crush souls, did you know that? For the millionth time, not mine, don't sue. I'd have to pay off whatever debt I got into by hiring myself out to be Stephenie Meyer's personal chef or something. And I don't really want to move to Arizona right now…. **

**A/N: Uh, there are a few chapters I really feel I need feedback on coming up… this would be one of them. So if you've ever been toying with the idea of reviewing, now would be one of those moments to do it. Because… well, you'll see why. **

--

_Kamikaze airplanes in the sky, are we going down or will we fly? This could be a shipwreck on the shore, or we could sail away forever more. This time it's sink or swim. _

--

I was ridiculously anxious on the first day of the new semester. The hugs, kisses, and holiday details that were being exchanged all around me grated on my nerves more than usual and at lunch that day I picked at my salad, unable to think about eating anything more than an olive or two. It had been a little over a week since I'd seen Edward last and even longer since I'd posed my question to him on that cold December day. The wait hadn't bothered me at first, but now that the moment of truth was nearly there I was going through a strange cycle of trying to figure out whether I was indifferent or if I was going to be sick. It didn't help that as I sliced at the lettuce leaves with the cheap plastic knife I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my head, melting me.

The walk to the classroom that day seemed longer than usual. I couldn't get there fast enough with people stopping far too often to greet a face that they had yet to say hello to for the first time that day. When I finally entered the classroom it was nearly full, but not quite, and I was grateful not to have to endure a repeat of September. Edward was already there, his bronze hair messier than usual and his book open in front of him giving him the pretense of studying. I settled myself into my seat and took out my own book, careful not to look at him – what he did now determined the course we took from here on out.

My hair fell like a curtain between us, a purposeful action on my part because I knew I'd never be able to resist cheating my personal restrictions if I left the opportunity. We were silent even as the rest of the students filed in and I felt my hopes plummet. I didn't actually _know_ that he wanted the partnership we'd formed to continue – he'd only asked me what happened next, he didn't say whether he wanted it or not. Maybe it was foolish of me to have ever thought….

There was a push against my arm right when the bell rang, and I swear my heart stopped and fell down to my knees and back in the span of three seconds. If I hadn't been sitting down I would have fallen over, and truthfully I wasn't entirely sure I wasn't close to tumbling off the back of my chair anyway. Mr. Banner opened his lecture with the usual post-holiday well-wishes and I slid my eyes down in the direction of the notebook.

_It's too complicated – meet me after._

I bit my lip in contemplation – he hadn't answered me, but maybe he was right. Maybe it _was_ too complicated for a conversation in biology class. And if he didn't answer me, there was no saying I had to stay with him…. I raised my eyes and looked directly into his and nodded. With that action there was an almost imperceptible change in his posture and I realized he hadn't known how I would take his note, that he'd been worried I would refuse. For some strange, almost infuriating reason I found that endearing and a soft smile touched my lips.

--

There was no music coming from the room that afternoon when I arrived and for a moment I wondered if perhaps he'd backed out. A quick scan of the room revealed him to be sitting on one of the couches that lined the wall, looking like a piece of world class art delivered into this drab room by the most grievous of mistakes. We said nothing for a moment before I shut the door behind me and walked over to him, my footsteps sounding like canons exploding in the quiet of the room. I sat an entire cushion away from him and yet my skin tingled – I'd sat closer to him in biology, I'd sat closer to him in this very room, but our energies colliding created a strange almost electrifying tension. I began to unzip my bag but stopped when I saw him shake his head.

"No."His voice was quiet and strong. "This is… a conversation that we can't…." He paused and inhaled deeply, lifting his hand and pinching the bridge of his nose between his perfect fingers before continuing. "It's not appropriate to have this conversation that way… nor should there be any record of it."

I stayed perfectly still, heat flooding my cheeks. Of course he would have seen that I hadn't gotten rid of the conversations in my notebook. He smiled then and his eyes followed the rising color, a wistful expression crossing his face before the smile fell completely and a more serious look replaced it. "Why don't you ask me that question again? Out loud," he clarified and I felt like my throat was falling in on itself.

_Give it a rest, Bella_, I told myself. _You've talked with him before._

But this was different and we both knew that.

"Why weren't you there that day?" I was unable to get my voice above a whisper but I knew he heard me anyway.

I saw him swallow convulsively, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat and his fingers found his hair, giving it a merciless tug. It seemed that years had passed before he finally spoke. "I know I shouldn't have… Alice was very condescending when she found out I'd cut that class, she knew it would cause trouble, that it wouldn't go unnoticed." I stayed silent as death and still as stone, trying to fight back the instinct to be insulted that this bond between us was dubbed as 'trouble' by his sister. "But I knew what that day was… what had happened, what it meant. It didn't seem fair of me to stay to… remind you of it anymore than you had to be."

"But why?"I whispered and my voice was full of desperation. "You _hate_ me. We hate each other."

The breath he exhaled was sharp. "Bella…" he shook his head, a humorless chuckle falling from his lips. "Do you honestly believe I'd even be here right now if I did hate you? If you hated me?"

Yes. That was the right answer. I'd asked him a question; of course I would be there even if I hated him. But a smaller voice that was getting louder as the months dripped by told me that if I hated him I wouldn't have even asked the question in the first place.

"I do not hate _you_, Bella," he continued in my silence and I didn't fail to notice the way his tongue seemed to stroke along the L's in my name, making it sound like a privilege to say. "Leaving that day was the right thing to do, because even if I did hate you I wouldn't want to inflict that pain on you… not… I couldn't."

There was a pause and he sighed, his hand running through his hair again. "I'm sorry. I know that doesn't--"

"Thank you," I said, quietly cutting him off. I wasn't sure that I'd ever understand him completely or if I'd even get the chance to, but his explanation told me all that I needed to know, including the fact that I was painfully wrong about Edward Cullen the entire time I'd known of him.

--

January turned into February, and February gave way to March. Spring was bleeding through winter little by little, and eventually the green began to replace the dead-looking trees that ruled the land during winter. Edward and I had made a habit of meeting when we could – which so far had nearly been every day, much to my surprise – and we usually spent the time reading our homework or having chats over this and that. Our topics of conversation ranged from trivial (he could never understand why _Wuthering Heights_ was one of my favorite books) to deep (did it bother him that everyone in town, save for the girl he'd dated last year, avoided him and his family because they were effectively 'sucking up' to my father?) and more often than not we were cut off abruptly by having to leave school in a rush. Our meetings only worked because Charlie worked late at the station and it didn't take much to throw together a dinner that would make him happy. Edward had no problems because his sister Alice knew and often stalled for him. She'd taken to driving everyone but him to school in her bright yellow Porsche.

I didn't speak to him for nearly a month when I found out that he'd told her, and I'd only given in when he'd made several well-done threats to me. I didn't believe that he'd actually _do_ any of them since they were so over-the-top, but I'd definitely learned that Edward had a flare for the dramatics in the time we'd been friends.

The guilt that had been eating at me since the fall slowly ebbed away. I hated deceiving my father, Jacob, and my friends, but no longer did I feel like Edward was the enemy that I had issue with. I genuinely enjoyed his company, and although at times I did not know how to deal with this fact, I was able to ignore the trouble it caused me. In truth, the hardest part now was keeping the secret. I'd had to stop myself at least five times from speaking aloud to him in biology and he'd confessed having done the same thing once or twice himself. It was just so _easy_ to talk to him. He wasn't a Cullen anymore, and I wasn't a Swan. We were just Bella and Edward. The pull we felt towards each other was undeniable and it made my heart ache to wonder how this could have been if we led different lives with different families – we could have had months, years, to build and enjoy this friendship that meant the world to me….

It was a day like any other when it all began to change.

--

"Hey, Bella."

I looked up from my biology book, thoroughly surprised. "Hey, Mike."

Ever since we'd gotten back to school in January, Mike had been unusually distant with me and it didn't take a genius to figure out why. After I'd pretty much ignored his offer to get together and do something over Christmas break he'd basically been silent with me, obviously nursing his ego. I hoped that he would give up, and I hoped that his approaching now had something to do with simply rekindling our friendship so our lunch table could eat in peace again. Of course, I was dreadfully wrong.

"So how've you been?"

I shrugged my shoulders and straightened up in my seat a little, turning to face him more. "Good, I guess. I've actually been thinking about starting to look for a job soon."

"Yeah? Well, we're looking for someone at the store, you should come by and see if you'd like it," he said with a bright smile on his face. I was too grateful for his offer to see the danger lurking around the corner.

"Really?" He nodded and I felt a wave of relief wash over me, my mornings suddenly looking very newspaper and sharpie free. "Thanks, thank you so much, I'll have to do that."

He laughed before touching his too-gelled-hair in a nervous way. "So, listen… you know how there's that dance coming up?"

My stomach plummeted.

"The girls choice dance?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow. He laughed. "Yeah, that one. I was wondering if maybe… you wanted to go with me?"

There was a muffled snapping sound from somewhere near me but I was too shocked by Mike's request to pinpoint the exact location. "Mike…"

"I know you're busy, and I know dancing's not your thing, but I was thinking if we did it as a group you might have fun."

"A group?" I asked skeptically.

"Yeah," he paused before rushing on eagerly, taking my delayed rejection as encouragement. "Eric's going to go with Angela, and I know Tyler was trying to catch either Jessica or Lauren's eye," I considered asking if Tyler was alright in the head, "And, well, that makes everybody except you," he said with a smile. "So what do you say?"

I was honestly getting tired of rejecting Mike Newton. I hated dancing with a passion, too. There _had_ to be a graceful way to handle this. A plan formed in my mind and I sprung on the first step, leaving the details for later.

"Sure," I said with a smile. "I'll be there with you guys." I tried to emphasize the plural noun but I doubt it did any good. His face was far too euphoric as he went back to his table and I let out a low groan under my breath.

"Perfect," I muttered to myself. I dug into my backpack and dragged out my notebook, quickly scrawling a message.

_Are all boys built to be that incorrigible? _

I pushed it towards Edward and waited for a laugh or a movement that would signify he was writing back. I did _not_ except the notebook to slam into my arm with more force than usual less than a half a second after I pushed it in his direction. Stunned and confused I looked at him and the look I saw on his face floored me.

I had never seen someone look so _torn_ in my _life_. Even Charlie had softened on certain days over the years, and by the time I was old enough to know why those days were hard for him he had become good at keeping his feelings bottled up so as not to upset me too much. The expression on Edward's face, however, broke me in ways I never knew I could be broken. He looked as if I'd stolen his puppy, smashed his car, insulted his mother… any combination of the worst things that could possibly be imagined were written onto his face. I was shocked and oddly hurt seeing him this way.

Before I had a chance to do anything, anything at all, the bell had rung and the lecture begun. The class passed without any more communication between us and when the bell rang he sprung up quickly and stormed towards the door just like he used to.

Like he _used _to.

I followed after him with leaden legs but was forced to head in my own direction, wishing desperately that I could go to him now.

--

It took everything in me not to run down the hall – I didn't even know if he would be here, but I didn't have any way of knowing where he was. It seemed to me that the most logical place for him to be, if he was still at school, would be this room. My fingers trembled as I grasped the handle and opened the door, a mixture of relief and apprehension sweeping through me when I heard the solid sounding chord formations echoing through the room.

This music was different than any piece I'd ever heard him play before. It was angry, it was full of despair, it was anxious, impatient… confused. His shoulders hunched perfectly over the keys and his arms were stiff as they stretched out to reach the necessary notes. I knew he knew I was there, but he didn't stop, and I slowly walked over to the bench and sat down in the little space that was left. Still he didn't look at me, and the music took on an urgent tone, getting faster and faster as the pitch rose in octaves.

And then it stopped suddenly, but I had the distinct feeling that that was the way it was supposed to end. His breathing was heavy and we were both silent and still, neither of us daring to move or say anything just yet. I expected him to jump up and move away from me with that same sharp grace that left me breathless every time, but he stayed there, not moving, with his shoulders hunched over the piano and his eyes clenched shut.

"Edward…" I whispered his name and I saw a shudder ripple up from the base of his spine to the top of his neck.

"Don't."

There was silence again.

"Has this… meant _nothing_… to you?"

His voice, usually as smooth as the finest paintbrush stroking against a piece of canvas, was hoarse and almost horrified.

My mouth went dry and I could barely speak. "I don't understand, what you're--"

The cat-like grace that I had been expecting struck. His hands slammed against the keys, a discordant chord exploding from the instrument as he did so, and he sprung from the bench and moved out from around the piano sharply, breaking into long strides.

"Edward," I warned, calling to him as I got up. I nearly tripped over my own feet trying to race after him before he got towards the door. "Don't do this, if we just--"

His foot hit one of the couches with a solid thud and my steps faltered. "Stupid," he moaned under his breath, pulling at his hair in an agitated fashion. "I was so incredibly…. You're a _Swan_," I had never hated my last name more in my entire life. "I'm a _Cullen_," And now I hated his with a renewed passion. "It was stupid to ever think that you… that I… that we could…"

It wasn't like him to be at a loss for words and that alone would have been enough to scare me if I didn't have a painful suspicion as to what he was talking about. I wasn't ready for that, not yet, and I didn't know that I'd ever be.

"For seventeen years I have thought you were the most fascinating person I've ever seen." No, Edward. Don't please. I wanted to beg him not to do this, not to complicate things, not to cross the line I'd been avoiding for months now. "_Seventeen years!_ And I couldn't have you because my father…." He aimed another kick at the couch. "I _hated_ that, and I hated you for it as well."

My head was spinning with all this information, like I'd been turning in circles for hours on end, and I longed to have something to grab onto.

"And then this year we were forced to be together. And we had to start the notes, and you _had_ to be just as… mesmerizing as I always thought you'd be. On top of that you have to have every single male in the state wrapped around your fingers… from Newton to Black, all of them want you, and any of them would be a more acceptable choice than a Cullen."

"Stop." I found my voice and nearly yelled the command. "Stop saying your name like that, it doesn't matter!"

"Like _Hell_ it doesn't." He cut across me sharply and spun to face me, his green eyes dark and stormy.

"Do you think I'd be here if I cared about your name?" I dredged the words up from my memory, ones almost identical to the ones he'd spoken to me at the start of term. "Do you think I'd even be speaking to you after all this time if I didn't…."

I broke off and dropped my eyes to the ground, inhaling sharply as I tried to pull myself together. I shook my head to myself, unable to finish the sentence, unable to put the thoughts in my head that I'd been pushing away for so long into my mouth to make them reality. Couldn't say them, wouldn't say them, shouldn't say them, mustn't say them…. _Don't say them._

"If you didn't what, Bella?" He asked. Still more silence hung in the air and I heard his heavy footsteps as he moved closer, but I didn't look up."Bella, please," he was desperate now. "If you feel… tell me something, anything, just let me into your head for a moment."

Too hard, too hard, much too hard. I couldn't do this, it wasn't right, it was betrayal. He _was_ a Cullen and I _was_ a Swan, it was impossible, it was stupidity in every sense of the word. I should slap him right now if I thought it would do any good, and I should run him over with my car, I should have never started this thing to begin with and left myself open to such feelings.

It had _bothered_ me that day that he asked me why I was so fascinating to every boy I ever met, why I was so special. I'd denied it at first but the voice had grown louder and more insistent over the months and right now it was screaming full force. I'd been hurt, insulted, because I wanted _him_ to be fascinated, I wanted _him_ to find me special. I'd never, ever wanted the attention from anyone before, but I wanted it from him because he was smart, and funny, and played the most brilliant music I'd ever heard in my entire life. He was beautiful, and good, and so unlike anything I'd ever expected him to be, and I _wanted_ him in a way that I'd never wanted anyone before, in a way that frightened me.

The fingertips at my chin suddenly sent a shock of electricity through me I wanted to sob at the voltage. It was the first time he'd ever touched me in any way and the feeling of his skin, being this close to him, was more incredible than I'd ever imagined. "Bella," he said my name again as he forced me to look into his eyes. "Please…."

I was tired of fighting. I was tired of feuding with him when there was no feud, not between us. A rational part of my brain knew I was only able to think this way because I was too overwhelmed and he was much too close to me and he was clouding my judgment, but even it didn't care when I lifted myself onto my toes and touched my lips to his.

I had never been kissed before. I had no idea what I was doing, but everything I did felt _right_. The most marvelous heat flooded through me and my arms went around his neck and I pressed my lips closer to his, craving the sensation to a degree that was almost psychotic. I worried for a moment, when I felt little response from him, that I'd crossed a line, and I instantly pulled back, falling back onto my heels. "I'm--" Whatever response I had was cut off when his lips were on mine again, fiercer, more possessive, and his hands found my cheeks holding me in the kiss without a complaint from me.

I had always hated Edward Cullen. I had to, it was in my blood. I hated him because if I didn't the world didn't exist, because I couldn't imagine not hating him. Tolerating, liking, _loving_ Edward Cullen would only take place in a parallel universe where everything was backwards. Evil was good, good was evil, Heaven was Hell, and vice versa.

But when the Demon's lips touched mine, they felt as warm, soft, and welcoming as an Angel's. His hands were gripping my face fiercely, yet gently, and his harsh gasps against my mouth created the most beautiful music I ever heard.

My hands twisted in his beautiful, shining bronze hair and instead of protesting he encouraged it, groaning and clutching me impossibly further against his body.

It was poetic, in a way. We were raised to hate each other. I wasn't supposed to love Edward Cullen, and he wasn't supposed to get close enough to me to try.

But now I think we don't have a choice.

The kiss continued at the same furious rate, hands pulling at hair and clothes, each of us trying to yank the other closer. Eventually, however, we needed air, and the kiss slowed until we were simply lavishing small kisses on each other. His arms were wrapped tightly around me and were sending the most delicious warmth through my body while my fingers curled into his shirt and clung to him tightly. My head bowed and nestled itself into the crook between his shoulder and neck, and I was stunned to discover how well I fit there. My nose nuzzled against his skin and I felt him shudder as I inhaled his clean, unique scent, something that reminded me of soap, rain, and oddly enough a fire on a cold evening. His hands in return were against my back and in my hair, and his nose was buried in my hair. His lips felt like they were moving against my head as if they were saying something, but his voice wasn't loud enough to hear and I wasn't conscious enough to ask.

"We need to talk about this," I murmured thickly, my breath tickling his neck.

"I know."

"We don't have time now to..."

"I know." He spoke again, regret filling his voice. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and I smiled slightly at the simple action that felt startlingly familiar. "We'll talk about it tomorrow," he promised.

"Tomorrow," I agreed and we shared a parting kiss.

--

We did talk the next day, exactly as promised. Or rather he talked and I questioned. It seemed I was the one having the hardest time with this new… development.

"So you… like me." I said the words skeptically, testing their taste in my mouth. The word _like_ felt horribly insignificant and I sorely hoped that we weren't doing this, whatever it was, because we _liked_ each other and were hoping to satisfy some raging teenage hormones. His lips turned up into a devastating version of my favorite smile before he answered, obviously sharing the same thoughts I was.

"Yes."

I nodded and cleared my throat. "And you've… liked me for awhile?"

His smile grew slightly and he nodded. "Yes."

My teeth found my lower lip, the reality of this still feeling like some sort of weird dream that I should be waking up from at any moment, the kind that feels so real you swear you didn't get any sleep. "Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

His laughter rumbled forth from his chest and he shook his head. "Bella," my heart skipped a beat and I wondered when he'd begun to say my name so casually. "You have to know the answer to that. You didn't even look at me for longer than three seconds until this past November, how was I supposed to tell Chief Swan's daughter that I found her… attractive."

My cheeks heated and I saw his gaze turn thoughtful, a hum leaving his lips. "I like that…" he murmured.

"Like what?"

"Your face when you…" he gestured to the color flooding my face and it instantly turned three shades darker. "It makes me feel like I have some kind of effect on you as well." Slowly, very slowly, he leaned across the table that we were sitting at and brushed his fingertips against the heat, creating more in their wake. It was both reassuring and daunting to know that the sensation I'd felt yesterday wasn't one to be felt only in the heat of the moment, but something that he could invoke in me anytime at all.

Since we were sharing….. "I always blush," I informed him, seeing something flash through his eyes before I quickly continued. "But I think this is the first time I ever really did it like… this." Understanding crept onto his face and I was relieved that I didn't have to elaborate upon my reactions to the attentions from other males.

"What are we going to do?" I asked quietly, sadly. There was an ugly squealing sound as he slid his chair around the table, closer to mine, and a moment later his arm was around me, pulling me to him. I melted against him, his warmth making me feel better. It was odd how immediate this connection was. I had never even touched him before yesterday, and now it was something that I depended on.

"We'll continue like this. For awhile," he finally spoke, his sentences hard like he was still working out the kinks in his plan and trying to convince both of us that it would work even though it wasn't completed just yet. "If it doesn't…." He didn't complete that sentence and I was silently thankful. "After that we'll see what happens."

I twisted my body and, as if reading my mind, his mouth touched mine and there was no more talking for the rest of the afternoon.

--

**O.O Hi there. So… whatcha think? Now do you see why I want some feedback on this? Haha. **

**Quick note: I obviously skimmed over January, February, and a bit of March. Why? Well, in all honesty it wasn't necessary. Those moments are for Edward and Bella alone. They don't take away anything from the story, but they don't contribute to it either. So unless you wanted to sit through pages and pages of Edward and Bella playing cards.... Just kidding, they didn't play cards. Or did they? **

**Hope not many of you are too disappointed that 'the mystery' wasn't revealed when they had their little chat in the beginning. THEY know what's going on so it didn't have to be said. You guys should find out in… well, within ten chapters if not less. **

**I really wanted to have this up sooner, but I insist on having at least two chapters in advance written before I post what I've got. I could go into the song and dance as to why, but this is already getting lengthy. **

**Thank you to EACH and EVERY one of you who are subbing/faving and ESPECIALLY the reviewers. Those little subject titles in my email box make my heart go pit-a-pat, good, bad, all of them. Thank you a million times over. **

**Review, if you feel so inclined to do so… : ]**


	6. It's A Long Shot Just To Beat These Odds

**Disclaimer: The only thing I can lay claim to is the basic idea of the plot. Even in human form, those that sparkle and all associated with them are not mine. **

**A/N: The response on the last chapter was incredible, thank you guys so much for every single word you said! More at the end. Enjoy! **

--

_It's a long shot just to beat these odds, the chance is we won't make it but I know if I don't take it there's no chance. _

_--_

The room was silent save for the sound of rain splattering against the glass. I felt anxious, uneasy, and it was impossible to concentrate on my book although it was my favorite. It felt cold and foreign in here without him. Over the past three weeks that we'd been involved – and it still felt like I was waiting to wake up from some twisted dream when I realized I'd been with Edward Cullen for _three weeks_ – there had rarely been a time when I wasn't fit securely into his side while we passed the time together. He was always there first, but today he was late, and I had a sneaking suspicion that I knew why.

There was the click of a handle turning and my eyes shot to the door. It swung open and his tall figure entered a moment later before the door fell shut again with a solid slam. My eyes narrowed and I closed my book before crossing my arms over my chest. He didn't move and neither did I, both of us staring daggers at the other.

"Newton needs to keep his hands to himself." He informed me flatly. I forced myself not to roll my eyes, knowing full well that given the distress he was in it wouldn't be very nice at all, even if he was being ridiculous.

"It was nothing, Edward."

He glowered at me and I sighed, replaying the casual throw of Mike's arm over my shoulder that afternoon in biology. "He thought I was sick last weekend, he was just being… concerned."

The school dance that I'd managed to get myself into had been held this past Saturday, and the night before, after drinking back a scalding cup of tea, I'd called Mike and begged out, apologizing profusely in a wheezing voice. Edward's delight, though he tried to restrain it, was palpable in the reply to the email I'd sent him. Once he found out that I had access to a computer (even if it was from the Jurassic period), he'd persuaded me into swapping email addresses since phone conversations were completely out of the question. He'd joked about buying me a blackberry or some other ridiculous contraption that cost entirely too much, so rather than risk that I'd jumped at his first proposal.

The breath he exhaled now was low, defeated, and I saw the anger drain from him replaced by something weary that didn't belong to his seventeen year old body. "I hate that he's allowed to do what should be _my_ right alone."

I was supposed to be angry at him for getting so overly jealous. I was supposed to bristle and become indignant over the fact that he claimed it was his _right_ to touch me and no one else's, like this wasn't the twenty-first century and I was a free-thinking woman of my own. I was supposed to snap at him and stay firmly in place until he apologized for acting the way he had, but the instant he said those words I felt my own resolve crumble and whatever anger I had harbored for him was lanceted from me. I uncrossed my arms and pushed off from the couch, wrapping my arms around his middle a moment later and tucking my head under his chin while swallowing back a lump of emotion and frustration.

We had discussed the difficulties of our relationship, of course, and we were perfectly aware that while no relationship was exactly easy, ours wouldn't even have the blessing of being able to indulge in whatever easy came with relationships. We knew it would be hard to not gravitate towards each other as we seemed to so often, and on more than one occasion we'd confessed to each other about having to stop ourselves from touching the other, from smiling, from saying _anything_ at all. I was entirely thankful that he'd once upon a time confided in his sister regarding our changing situation, and I wished I was so fortunate to have someone who would be willing to look at the situation objectively.

A moment passed before his arms wound around me and he crushed me to his chest and his nose nuzzled my hair. "I'm sorry," I said against him. "I hope I'm worth it."

Part jest, part truth – I'd never forgive myself if this tumultuous journey ended badly for the both of us.

The weight from my head lifted and he tilted my chin up, his green eyes boring into my brown pools gravely. "You are worth everything. Trust me on that, please."

The intensity disintegrated from his eyes and a playful look touched them next. "And I know for a fact I'm the only one that gets to do this."

His lips covered mine then and I smiled against them, already feeling my body melt against him in an embarrassing way. "How do you know?" The words were soft and muffled as I was unwilling to remove my mouth from his enough to get them out properly. "I could have many people who get to do this stashed in my closet at home. You've never been there, you wouldn't know."

He growled, a sound that made me want to laugh and sink into the floor in a pile of jelly, and moved his lips to my chin, jaw, and then neck, rendering me useless. Our sessions – he'd burst out laughing the first time I referred to them that way, but _dates_ was just the wrong word entirely – had never gotten much more heated than our first kiss. There was lots of hair pulling and trying to wrap ourselves around each other as closely as possible, but other than that we toed the invisible line, teasing each other mercilessly, wondering who would be brave enough to thrust us into the next phase. Apparently the time had come to cross the line – one of many – and it was him.

A strangled half moan left my parted lips and my fingers clung to his shoulders as his lips, soft yet eager, made trails along the column of my neck. The sound seemed to encourage him and he pulled me closer while I tried to keep my head from spinning out of control. I wished I had more experience with this sort of thing so I knew what to expect. Was it supposed to feel this… extreme? I knew that he had had a girlfriend for two years when he was younger, a fact that made me more jealous than I cared to admit, so I knew he had had experience along these lines, but asking him felt rather stupid. Besides, I wasn't entirely sure that I would like the answer that came out of his mouth, so I'd rather have it occupied as it was.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." He whispered my name against my neck, his voice lower and rougher than normal, awe and reverence splattering his tone. I was positive my head was spinning now and for a second I wondered if I was still standing. My name coming from him… I never knew it could sound like that. For my entire life I had thought nothing of it, it was simply what my mother insisted I be called when she went through her Italian phase which happened to coincide with my birth, but he made it sound like it was a work of art, like the finest piece of poetry ever crafted. It was almost unbearable to realize how long I'd waited to hear him say it.

His name, too, was beautiful, and I whispered it helplessly as my head fell back and his mouth moved lower, coming right up to the edge of my shirt. I shuddered when I felt his lips part against my skin and his teeth came in contact with the hypersensitive flesh. This was turning into new levels of intense the longer it went on, and although I knew that it had to stop, I didn't want it to. Miraculously he seemed to have enough control for the both of us, and after placing a soft kiss just under my jaw he withdrew and let his forehead fall against mine, his breathing nearly as out of control as mine. I hung onto him tightly, wondering how on Earth he possibly managed to remain upright after that.

"I need to ask you something." Truthfully I was impressed that he could even think much less form the words. A sharp voice in my head reminded me that he'd more than likely had _practice_ before and I had to force myself to ignore it. "Promise you'll at least _think_ about it?"

I was instantly alert. Whatever he had to ask me that he was asking me to consider before he even asked the question must be important, and odds were my first inclination would be to say no. I shifted my head against his so I could look him directly in the eyes and he took that as his signal to continue.

"I want to go out with you."

I blinked and for a moment I wondered if I'd passed out from lack of oxygen and was having some strange delusion. Or maybe _he_ was the one having delusions. "Don't be stupid," I admonished him. "We _are_ going out." Half a beat skipped before I tacked on an extra word. "Technically."

His mouth set in a grim line and I felt mine do the same. "Isabella." I scowled at the use of my full name and tried to shove him away. From a third person's point of view it was actually adorable how I thought I could push him away from me when he had nearly a whole foot on my tiny 5' 4" frame. "Bella," he amended, holding me in place and thus thwarting my effort to escape as his arm holds me in an iron grip against him. He's still gentle, though, and I know if I really wanted to leave he would let me go before I had a chance to hurt myself trying to escape. "Please, just hear me out."

"Edward—"

"Just listen!" He urged before rushing on. "If we went to Port Angeles or Seattle, no one would think anything of it. We'd just be two people, no one would be any wiser."

"People from Forks go to those cities all the time," I reminded him. "It's reckless and irresponsible, you know what would happen if we were caught."

"It's reckless and irresponsible for me to want to spend time with you outside of school?" He fumed.

"Yes!" No. If I were honest I would allow myself to realize that his words created the perfect image. Being able to walk close to him to hold his hand, to kiss him, to smile at him, to do everything with him that I wasn't allowed to do out in the public would be a dream come true. It would be like living a day in someone else's life, someone else who didn't have to concern themselves with family grudges and gossiping townsfolk.

His eyes hardened and I softened my tone, trying to diffuse the situation. "I have a lot more to lose if we're caught, Edward." I murmured. "If anyone found out…"

Something flashed in his eyes but it was gone before I could pick it out and unscramble it. "Think about it, please. It doesn't have to be now. But I would like, very much so, if I could spend time with you without having to be worried about getting locked in somewhere."

I cracked a smile and he touched his finger to my mouth. "Which reminds me, we should leave."

I knew he was right but the hollow empty feeling still hit me anyway. "I'll talk to you soon," I said after we'd kissed goodbye. He smiled wistfully before leaving first and I followed after him five minutes later.

--

That night at dinner was the worst night of my life. Billy and Jacob came over to eat with us and I was jittery the whole time. Ever since we'd gotten together I felt like my connection with Edward was written all over my forehead or like the shape of his lips was permanently imprinted on my mouth. Well, I actually couldn't attest that the last one wasn't true, particularly not today. I could still feel the sensation of his mouth pressing against mine with bruising force, the tiniest beginning of stubble on his jaw stinging my skin. If any of them noticed anything, however, they didn't say a word. Once Billy noted that I was more quiet than usual and I chalked it up to exhaustion which amused Jake to no end. "You should quit school and come live on the rez," he said as he lazily tore into his fried chicken. "You can sleep in and cook great food whenever you want."

"Gee, don't tempt me," I forced a laugh as I got up and took my hardly eaten food to the counter before digging out the plastic wrap and covering up my leftovers. "You know it's my dream to cook for you all day."

"It's not just anyone who has the privilege of cooking for me."

Billy snorted under his breath and Charlie followed suit with laughter. The jovial atmosphere was catching, and as I thought back to that afternoon and Edward's request I decided to press my luck. It would look best if I kept this as casual as possible rather than making it a special request.

"Hey, Dad, I was thinking about going into Port Angeles or Seattle soon. Do you need anything?" I asked as I stowed my plate in the fridge and returned to the table to pick up Jacob's clean one. I didn't see the look that was exchanged between the three of them, but I did feel the shift in atmosphere.

"Port Angeles, hmm?"

I felt my jaw tighten and fought to remain casual. "Yeah. Or Seattle," I stressed again. "I'm not sure which yet, I said with a shrug of my shoulders."

I turned to face them and leaned my back against the sink, crossing my arms over my chest and looking Charlie square in the eye. I was acting a lot braver than I actually was, and I was positive my insides would never work right again.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Bells." Charlie said gruffly. "You never know what kind of… riff-raff might show up in those big cities."

It didn't take a genius to put the pieces together and I rounded on Jake instantly. "You _told_ him!?"

He shrunk under my gaze but glared back at me just as intently. "Of course I told him, Cullen was practically--"

"Cullen was doing _nothing_, Jacob," I seethed at him before rounding my attention back to Charlie. "You can't keep me away from somewhere any one of them _might_ be, you know that." I hoped that logic would win this argument. If Charlie were intent on keeping me away from any of the Cullens he would have withdrawn me from school or moved us to a different state. He sat back in his chair and I held my breath while he thought, fighting the instinct to be sick. _Please, please, please…._

"If someone goes with you…"

"I don't need a babysitter." Jacob rolled his eyes but I ignored him. The silence was thick and I was close to walking away before Charlie finally sighed.

"You have to be back by five."

My knees nearly buckled and I gripped the counter to hold myself up while I forced a shaky smile onto my face. "Thank you." I glared at Jacob again before returning to the dishes so I could hide my beaming face.

Later that night I retired to my room and switched my computer on. I dressed for bed while I waited for the ancient fossil to warm up and when I returned the monitor was glowing happily from its spot on my desk. I quickly fired up the email program and hit the keys with shaking fingers.

_I'm going to be in Seattle on Saturday – it'd be a nice surprise if you were there, too._

I hit send and smiled as I crawled into bed, feeling thoroughly victorious.

--

The next day was agony. I had refrained from checking my email before I left for school so I had no idea if he'd even gotten it, and my truck couldn't drive fast enough. I hopped out of the front and walked across the slippery parking lot, nonchalantly sweeping the expanse with my eyes. A silver Volvo gleamed in a bit of sun peeking through the clouds and not three seconds later I found its owner. His back was turned, however, so I continued on my way. _You'll see him soon._

The day continued to drag on. When I wasn't fighting the desire to fall asleep, I was twitching to rush from one class to the next, counting down how many were left until biology. I knew we couldn't discuss anything there, but I'd at least _see_ him, and maybe then I could at least gather enough from his face to hedge a guess as to what he was feeling. Banner's classroom was never more welcome to me than it was that day, and I was unsurprised that I was there before him and grateful that he had the senses not to fly down the hallway.

I was also grateful that I was seated when he finally arrived because the mere sight of him knocked me breathless. Happiness and satisfaction rolled off him in hard, crashing waves, and I fought back a laugh when he greeted Mr. Banner with a cheerful grin before his eyes slid over to me. I understood then that it was meant for me and I looked down at the desk, my lips curving upwards. We stayed at our respective ends of the table for the entire class, and when we left we walked our usual distance apart.

After gym, which seemed more nightmarish than usual thanks to the relay race we ran across the slippery wooden floor, I forced myself to not repeat the incident on the way to biology and walked at a leisurely pace in the direction of the multi-purpose room. My hand was barely on the door knob before it was yanked out from underneath my touch. A hand clasped around my forearm and pulled me inside before the door shut. The next minute I was trapped between the wall and a very warm body.

"Do you mean it?"

My instinct was to play games, to shove him away, or to make a flippant comment, but his mood was catching. I smiled and nodded and his answering smile was exultant. "I thought…" he shook his head and he laughed, a wondrous sound. "I didn't think you'd agree so soon."

"Why not?" I breathed, my hands winding around his neck.

"Bella, it took almost twenty years for any sort of communication to be opened up between us and almost three months before you returned the gesture."

"What's your point?" I grumbled with a heated face and he chuckled before kissing my cheek.

--

"Have fun fishing, Dad." I bid Charlie farewell as I cleared the breakfast table – buttermilk pancakes and sausages due to my good mood – and he gave me his own parting.

"Remember to be back by five. Make sure you fill up along the way."

"Not you too," I groaned at the subtle jab at my truck. Charlie had bought it for me but even he insisted that it wasn't the most reliable piece of machinery ever created, at least not in this day and age, which added him to the very long list of people who gave my very own Old Faithful dirty looks. I was only irritated further by the fact that Edward had also recently joined the party.

"_Are you sure it's safe?" He asked me, stuck between skepticism and apprehension. _

"_Edward, it's been working since the 1950s."_

"_Precisely my point." _

_I rolled my eyes. "It's had its engine changed, and--"_

"When?"_ He asked. _"When_ has it had its engine changed?"_

"_Recently enough," I sniffed haughtily. No way was I about to tell him it was somewhere around 1982 or '83. _

"_I want you to wait until I drive past your house on Saturday."_

"_Edward--"_

"_Bella, please, it will ease my conscience if I can at least spot you in my rearview mirror and see when your truck gives out." _

His worry was frustrating to no end but nevertheless I'd given my consent and I was to wait in my truck until I saw his silver Volvo crawl by at a snail's pace so I couldn't miss it. I was put out that I couldn't start the journey sooner since the three hour drive took even longer in my truck, but I knew the fight that would follow if I left before him wouldn't be worth it. I wanted to feel nothing but the overwhelming happiness that had consumed me since the middle of the week when we'd first solidified our plans.

I finished clearing the dishes and kissed Charlie's cheek in parting watching as he shuffled out of the house with his fishing gear and rolled away from the house in his cruiser, all the while trying not to let my nerves eat me. Of course I was nervous; this was risky and as happy as we both were, we knew that this didn't come without risks. If we were seen…. But we'd agreed not to think about that. For once we wanted to not think.

Slowly, slowly, slowly, I saw a familiar car slither past my house like a snake. I forced my heart out of my throat and grabbed my keys before nearly bursting out the door, only just remembering to lock it behind me. The car didn't slow down and he never made to get out of the car, an action I fully understood. I got into my truck and tapped the dashboard with my fingers impatiently while I waited for the rumble to turn into something that told me when it would move. In that moment I longed for a sleek car that could peel out of its parking spot and speed along the highway, even if I also knew I would never put it at a speed that allowed peeling or speeding. My truck roared to life and as I drove down the street at a moderate pace it took everything I had not to grin stupidly.

I stopped for gas once, knowing it would get under both Charlie and Edward's skin if I wound up stranded in the middle of the highway, and as the third hour began to morph into a fourth we finally turned into downtown Seattle. The city streets were full of people, probably more people than Forks had combined and I felt a bubble of maniacal laughter expand in my chest. There was no way we would be caught, not if we didn't walk around with signs around our neck declaring who we were. My eyes fastened onto the back of his car when I saw it slow and pull into a parking spot and I followed suit a few spaces away. I had no sooner removed my keys than he was out of his car and taking large strides towards mine. I shoved against the side of my door and slid onto the asphalt beneath me and was caught up in his hug in the very next moment.

"We're here," he said into my hair, and the shock and awe in his voice mirrored my own exactly.

"We're here."

--

**Two things right away: one, you guys were INCREDIBLE last chapter! Thank you so much for the feedback on it, and I'm glad you enjoyed it and that the general response was that it happened just right. Remind me to thank Edward for forcing me to make it happen then. :P **

**Two, I have to say this chapter wasn't my most favorite. It had to be done because it transitions into the next phase of the plot, but it was definitely one of the harder ones to do and I had a rough time making things "click". I hope that not too many things are off and you guys were at least able to enjoy it. **

**Actually, as much as this chapter might not be my favorite, it pretty much speaks for itself. Seattle is coming up next, and since I already have both parts of the trip written as well as most of the aftermath written, I can tell you it will be very… interesting. No, that's not your cue to panic, don't worry. ;)**

**I don't know when I'll update again… soon, hopefully, but things are busy for the next two weeks. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year to all of you! Feedback makes a very lovely present, whether it's flat-out positive or critically constructive. **

**Thank you so much! xo**


	7. Hello, Seattle

**Disclaimer: Let's keep it simple. I don't own any of these people. I'd LIKE to own Edward/Rob (and Bella/Kristen, can't even try to lie) but barring a miracle I don't think that's happening. My birthday's coming up in two months though so if any of you wanna pull through… no? Alright. So I still own nothing. **

**Sorry! So, so sorry! Just get reading and you'll read my groveling apology at the end of the chapter. Enjoy!**

**Note: This was supposed to be up LAST night (1/30/10) but FFnet was total fail. I'm so glad it's working now otherwise I might've cried.  
**

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_Hello, Seattle, I am the crescent moon shining down on your face. _

--

I felt lightheaded and dizzy and could barely register the sound of my shoes slapping loudly against the wet concrete while I struggled to keep up with the pace that Edward had set for us. People were moving fast through the city that day and every now and then Edward swerved us to avoid getting hit by one of those people that was just walking too fast and talking on their cell phone. I was useless for steering and clung to him, my clumsiness heightened due to the intoxicating high I was riding, a high that wasn't helped one bit due to the fact that I was so close to him out in public.

It was better than I ever could have hoped for – not one person thought to look at us twice and we blended in perfectly with the city-dwellers. We weren't in our own private space, but the magic that happened when we were was retained, a heady realization on many levels – we were compatible in our secret world and out of it. Even better, because we were in a place that had a population that actually had the right to be dubbed a population, our nerves of being spotted by someone from Forks had quieted down. Edward had also assured me to the best of his ability that the plans he had in mind would not take us anywhere that someone from Forks might be, and oddly enough I trusted him.

"Bella," he addressed me, pulling me out of my stupor as he swerved me out of the way of an oncoming bicycle. "Will you _please_ try to look where you're going?" I could tell he was forcing as much exasperation into his voice as he could, but his green eyes betrayed him with the way they sparkled. "I don't feel like having to explain why it was I who brought you to the hospital." I was distractingly close to his mouth and his body heat was much too welcoming against the slight chill that remained in the air and probably would until the summer heat rolled in.

"I will if you tell me where we're going," I finally breathed, eliciting a soft chuckle from him.

"You're hopeless, aren't you?" he asked before putting his arm around my shoulder and beginning our walk again.

"I don't understand why you can't just give me a _hint_," I frowned at him, my arm wriggling its way under his coat and around his waist for warmth and security.

"Bella, you know Seattle as well as I do, surely you must be able to at least _guess_ where we're going." He told me and with that I was in thought again. We'd made plans during the week about where we would eat lunch and I'd insisted upon dropping by a store to pick up something in order to justify the trip to Charlie when I got home, but other than that Edward had claimed he had a specific idea about what he wanted to do with me in Seattle. This, of course, had gotten me up in arms and I'd accused him of controlling me. A two day fight and one intense session on the couch later I'd reluctantly agreed to at least _see_ what he had planned while holding onto veto power if I really didn't want to do it for whatever reason. It was a small victory, but I was appeased. The major battle, spending time with him outside of school, had been won and that was what mattered.

"I can, but I hope I'm wrong," I said, groaning as I was proven right.

--

"Charlie and Billy took me and Jake to see the Space Needle when I was seven," I informed him in a whisper as we rode the elevator up. His smooth jaw tightened visibly for a moment at the mention of Jacob's name but quickly relaxed into a slight smile.

"But you haven't been to see it with _me_, have you?"

"No," I conceded with a sigh. "But, Edward, that's not the point."

"Humor me, love," he murmured in my ear and I felt my heart stop and my senses become overwhelmed. _Love_…. The word sounded impossibly beautiful falling from his lips and though I knew full well that I loved Charlie, Jacob, Billy, and all the rest of my friends and family, and that I understood the word completely, I had a strange feeling that I comprehended it a bit better hearing it from Edward. I reminded myself that he hadn't said it in regard to his feelings for me in hopes of stopping my head from spinning but to no avail. There was no getting around it – I liked the endearment much more than I ever would have thought.

The elevator doors opened and suddenly his hands were over my eyes and he was nudging me forward gently.

"Don't!" I gasped in a panic, trying to pull his hands away from my face. "I'll fall!" Falling off the edge of the Space Needle – an interesting way to go, I suppose.

"Do you think I'd let you?" His voice murmured low in my ear, the tone of it the kind that sent shivers up my spine and made heat rush through me. When I didn't answer he kissed my neck lightly. "That's what I thought. Hold onto my arms now and walk slowly."

I gripped his forearms for dear life and he walked behind me, slowly, guiding me in the right direction. We stopped eventually and his hands fell away from my eyes, finding refuge around my waist and holding my back against his chest.

"Oh…." I breathed and I felt him smile against the back of my head. I had, of course, seen the city from this perspective before. The water that stretched out along with the buildings was nothing new to me which was why I had been so reluctant to come up here with Edward, but something was different this time. The water was so clear looking from up here and the clouds that hovered over the city looked for all the world as if they were painted into the sky with the way they swirled and how the shades of gray mixed together. The streets below us looked neat and orderly, like the perfect picturesque town, and the trees sprinkled through the concrete jungle were the most vibrant shade of green I'd ever seen – well, the _second_ most vibrant shade of green. I leaned back against Edward, drinking in the view.

"Now do you see why I wanted to come up here?" He murmured. I said nothing, too enthralled to do anything but nod my agreement. "It's my observation we tend to appreciate certain things more with age." I said nothing still. He was right, of course, more right than he knew, and more right than I would ever willingly admit to him.

--

"Thank you," I said to him once we got back down to the street again. "I really enjoyed that," I informed him genuinely. "I could have done without the part where you paid for my ticket, though…."

"Bella, I'm taking you _out_ today. I appreciate your right for independence, but even doctors in Forks make more money than they need, so consequentially their children also have the same problem. I was _happy_ to pay for your ticket," he stressed to me.

"Where are we going now?" I asked him.

He thought for a moment, his thumb running over my knuckles as he did so, before he finally began to speak his plans. "Well, we should probably stop and get something at a store before we forget," he said. "After that it's a bit of a drive again unless you want to traipse across Seattle."

I agreed and we window shopped for a bit while I tried to pick out something that was both in my price range but also not usually found in Forks.

"I will _not_ let you buy me anything," I told Edward firmly when he opened his mouth to offer to help me pay for a pretty leather-bound journal that I'd seen in a window. "I won't diffuse suspicion if I show up at home with something that costs more than Charlie makes in three months." He grumbled under his breath but said nothing and wore a vague look of annoyance and something that was almost wistful as I handed over change to the cashier for a new purse that I'd decided upon. A pointless purchase, but girly enough that Charlie wouldn't think to ask twice about.

We got in our cars then and I followed his drive through the streets closely, not wanting to lose track of him in the midday traffic. I was stunned, but not unpleasantly so, when he parked his car and our next stop became apparent.

"I'm beginning to think you have a plan for all the girls you date," I teased as I got out of my car and met him. He laughed jovially in response and grabbed my hand but my own insides squirmed at my words and an uncomfortable feeling settled in my stomach.

I knew that Edward had had a girlfriend before. Even before we'd started our truce and I'd done my best to avoid any and all Cullen related news I'd still heard that Edward Cullen and Tanya Denali, Dr. Denali's daughter, were an item. She and her family had been the only other people in town that the Cullens interacted with and it was well known in Forks that Dr. Denali supported Dr. Cullen and refused to stand behind Chief Swan in getting Dr. Cullen removed from the hospital. As a result she was pretty much an outcast with them along with her sisters. I knew that Tanya had been fairly intelligent and even I could tell from looking at her that she had been pretty – strawberry blonde curls, curvy in all the right places, and a good taste in fashion to boot. Rumor had it that Tanya and Edward had begun going out in freshman year but called it off just before this past summer. If that was true they'd been together for approximately two years.

Two years was more than enough for anything to happen between her and Edward.

_He wasn't yours then_, I told myself. _It doesn't matter, it's in the past._ The uneasy feeling in my stomach remained, though.

When we were on the ferry, Edward led me up to the top deck because he claimed that was where the view was best, and we settled into one of the benches that lined the boat. "It'll be awhile before we're back," he explained. "I'd have to pay for a massage if I made you stand the entire way to Bainbridge Island and back." I curled against his side, not really having any reason to fight with him on this. "Then again," he muses and the way his voice is velvety smooth sends warmth shooting through me. "I could just give you one myself. I don't exactly have an aversion to touching you."

And I thought I'd been warm before.

"Maybe you don't," I said, my voice a lot stronger than I'd anticipated it would be, "But personally I could do with a little more space between us."

"Take it back," he warned, pulling me closer after I pushed away from him. I pushed again and he pulled me tighter. If we kept going like this soon there would be no space between us, and that idea was much too appealing to me.

I shook my head no and a moment later his mouth was against mine and I wondered why I hadn't just done this in the first place. It was tame at first with just an edge of heat, but soon something shifted. I was craning my neck, desperate to get closer, and my dull fingers scrabbled uselessly at his jaw as if sheer force could push us into an impossibly deeper kiss. I wasn't sure if I was breathing right anymore and I felt my leg move at an awkward angle like it was being pulled over something and he was groaning quietly into my mouth while his tongue and teeth made it impossible for me to think.

I felt a warm hand slide against the bare skin of my back and gasped, shocked and thrilled. The sound seemed to break into his mind, however, and he tore his lips from mine quickly, his breathing heavy. "You have no idea how I wish we weren't in danger of public indecency." His hand was on my inner thigh as he spoke in a low voice, and after a moment I realized the awkward angle of my leg was thanks to him pulling my leg over his knees, all in the hopes of pulling the two of us closer together. I shivered – even though I was very, very warm – when I felt his fingers make smooth, perfect circles along my jean-clad thigh. I felt like my lower half had been electrocuted, the tingles spreading through me part of the recovery from the intense volts of electricity. It felt good, though. Much too good, and at the same time not good enough – I knew, instinctively, that there was more and that I wanted it.

And he'd stopped.

_Public indecency, Bella. It wouldn't look good if the Chief of Police's daughter got caught for…._

My face filled with blood. Caught for _what_ exactly? Edward and I had never done anything, anything at all, but kiss. Admittedly things usually got quite intense, but though we'd been involved for months now, he hadn't even so much as tried to touch me, and my lack of confidence was making me much more sensitive to this fact than was sensible.

"Tell me about Tanya," I murmured, smoothing my fingertips over his jaw, the lightest beginning of stubble scraping against the pads of my fingers.

He blinked once, twice, and then his brow furrowed, a thoroughly perplexed look falling into place on his face. I could understand that – having no way to see inside my head he was probably wondering what caused me to leap from kissing him thoroughly to asking about his ex-girlfriend.

"What?" The question was breathless, a side effect of our activities.

I made as if to pull my leg off his lap but he stopped me and bent over to pull my other leg over his knees as well. I settled comfortably against him, which was saying something since I felt anything but.

"I want to know. About her."

"Why?" he asked.

_Because I want to know if you ever took _her_ on ferry boats or kissed her like that or did even more than kiss. I want to know if you touched her the way you won't touch me. _

"I just want to know," I shrugged, carefully averting my eyes and trying to stay casual.

I felt his eyes burning into me, and even the thought of the blazing green orbs made me feel incredibly small.

"Tanya and I always got on very well," he finally began in a quiet voice. "She was the only female, apart from a member of my family, who I was… allowed to have contact with without consequences." Guilt crept into me but I stayed silent while I listened to his story. "She was always very pretty, I suppose…" And now I was jealous, again. "And as I got older it seemed to make sense for me to feel attracted to her and to pursue her romantically."

_Breathe, Bella._

"She found me to be… suitable as well, and we dated." There was a pause. "I cared for her quite a bit," he mused and my fingers twisted together anxiously, a bubble of jealousy, contempt, and unworthiness swelling within me. Strong fingers were around my chin then and I was being forced to meet the piercing gaze that I had been avoiding.

"But I have never wanted… never _cared_ for anyone the way I… the way I care for you."

He said the words slowly and their conviction spread through me like a wildfire that was out of control, charring my flesh and imprinting upon me forever the sincerity of his words.

"Did you… did you ever…" I trailed off, not sure how to ask the question without making a complete fool of myself. "You could be with her whenever you wanted, wherever you wanted." He didn't nod for confirmation, it would have been pointless. We both knew his relationship with her offered different freedoms, freedoms that just weren't possible with his relationship with me. "Were you ever… _with_ her?" I whispered, feeling strangely mortified. What girlfriend actually asked her boyfriend whether he'd had sex with his ex?

Comprehension dawned on his face and he quickly shook his head. "Never." He said firmly. "I couldn't be with someone that way unless my feelings reached a certain depth. She wanted to, of course, before she moved away, but it wasn't fair to either of us so I said no."

I chewed on my lip, taking in this information and trying to work up the nerve to ask the next line of questions.

"What are you thinking?" he asked softly. My eyes flickered up to meet his and I deliberated for a second before spitting it out. "Do you think, perhaps… your feelings are at the right depth now?"

I saw his jaw shift and his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. "Yes…" he murmured in a strange, thick voice. "I do believe they are."

I was relieved… overjoyed… confused.

"But you won't touch me."

Half a beat passed and the line of his lips thinned. "Bella--"

"It's true," I said in a quiet, insistent voice. "I've noticed, Edward. Every time…" I shook my head. "It's not just here, either. At school--"

"Precisely," his eyes flashed and I saw a glimpse of the anger I'd rarely seen in his eyes since November. "Bella, do you think I'm about to feel you up on a ferry boat or on a couch in some room at our school when we're pressed for time like you're just anyone?" He seemed outraged and insulted that I even suggested such a thing. "At risk of sounding like a hormonal Neanderthal," his hand, which was still positioned on my inner thigh, squeezed lightly - not enough to harm me, but enough for me to feel it and for heat to pool in my abdomen. "You have no _idea_ how much I want to touch you. But when I touch you, I want to take my time. I want to take time to feel you, to hear you," My breath quickened and I found two voices warring in my head. _Don't say it, don't say it… oh, go ahead, say it, please. _"To _taste_ you…. I won't rush it, Bella."

I took a moment to settle my breathing and gather my thoughts before speaking. "Will we?" I asked. "Can we?"

He sighed and pressed his forehead to mine. "I hope to God we can." I would have laughed had he not been so earnest and had my feelings not so intently mirrored his.

--

**Well that was an interesting talk wasn't it? And yes, it had to end there. Edward and Bella have assured me that you're missing nothing. ;) Remember, guys, this is just part one of the Seattle trip. The conclusion is coming next chapter. It's… interesting. **

**So, literally two days after I posted this, on Christmas Eve actually, the cable in my area went out. So everyone who had cable TV or used cable/DSL/whatever to connect to the net basically had nothing as a result. And this lasted for about a week and a half. I REALLY wanted to get this to you guys sooner, but as you can see, that's rather impossible with zip net access. Then my P.C. started getting weird again and I had to back up all my files (chapters included, thankfully) but couldn't use them on the brand new Macbook I got before I scanned them for viruses since we hadn't got the antivirus for Mac yet. Add all that into the holiday mix and the start of a new semester along with some non-fanfiction writing projects… it all spells disaster and inability to update. **

**And it all leads to me begging for your forgiveness in regards to the lateness of this. Did I mention I had SATs? Cause I did. But still, begging. **

**I'll shut up now and talk more about everything at the end of next chapter. You're going to want some 'splainin' then….**

**Read. Love. Review. **

**And thank you for taking the time. **


	8. Can't Be As Sorry As You Think I Should

**Disclaimer: The author is too sniffly to think of a suitable disclaimer. Stephenie Meyer makes profit off the real books that people pay money for, I just do this for fun and so Juliella and Romeoward can have a happy ending.**

--

_I can't be as sorry as you think I should, but I still love you more than anyone else could. All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight, is it could take my whole damn life to make this right._

_--_

"Bella."

I burrowed closer into the mountain of warmth that I was currently huddled against.

"Love, wake up. Our ride's over."

_No_. It couldn't be over already. It had just started, and he smelled so good.

"Bella." I felt a pair of lips brush over my hair before a hand smoothed over the spot. I sighed reluctantly before opening my eyes and stifling a yawn with my hand. I tilted my head to look up into his face and the utter serenity caught me off guard, leaving me feeling surprisingly vulnerable. He looked for all the world like he wouldn't rather be anywhere but right there on an uncomfortable wooden bench with someone sitting on his lap.

He smiled then and I felt one of my own turn up on my lips. "Did you have a good nap?" There was something about the way he said it that made me think he was partly teasing me, but I ignored it.

"Mm-hmm," I hummed in response. "I don't remember the last time I slept that well," I confessed and I was suddenly overwhelmed by the blissful awe that shone from his face.

"I'm glad," he finally said and I detected a strained note of pride hidden somewhere in the layers of his voice. He suddenly looked towards the staircase and the thinning mass of departing passengers. "Come," he said. "We should get lunch." I was suddenly acutely aware of exactly how hungry I was and I realized I hadn't had anything to eat since my pitiful attempt at swallowing back breakfast that morning. I swung my legs off his lap and got up and he followed suit, instantly grabbing my hand in his. The warm feeling as his larger palm encompassed my smaller one was pleasant and I made sure to hold onto the banister as we descended the flight of stairs that led to the lower level of the ferry.

We found our cars and I followed his lead once again to the restaurant we'd chosen earlier in the week. We'd chosen this one specifically because it was good quality without being popular amongst Seattle visitors, namely visitors who came from Forks to escape the small town life while still having to stick to the budget that being a Forks dweller restricted one to. Unfortunately, I also fell into this category which left Edward to pay, something that I still wasn't happy about when we pulled up to the restaurant.

"I would be paying for you wherever we went," he murmured as we walked into the restaurant, his hand resting easily on my lower back. "So you can get that look off your face."

"Even doctors in Forks get paid way too much if you can afford this," I grumbled under my breath with my arms crossed firmly over my chest while we waited to be seated. He chuckled, a low sound in my ear.

"It's true," he murmured. "I'm surprised we aren't all far more spoiled than we are."

"Cullen?" Our attention was diverted to the pretty blonde hostess who only had eyes for Edward. Her eyes were big and if her mouth were closed and not stuck in a sickeningly sweet grin it would have been the perfect pout. "Your table is ready," she said with a flirtatious bat of her eyelashes.

My opinion of the restaurant suddenly plummeted.

"Thank you," Edward smiled winningly at her but his eyes were dancing when he looked down at me. The girl turned and we followed her to our table, swaying her hips in what was supposed to be an inviting manner the entire way there.

"Enjoy!" She was much too enthusiastic as we slid into our seats and I molded my side to Edward's, too tame to confront her directly but not docile enough to let her behavior slide.

The minute she was far enough away from our table Edward broke out in low laughter.

"I suppose you think that's funny, do you?" I said shortly while I flipped through the pages of the menu. "Disarming helpless women with your charm and wit?" I drew the words out sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"Bella, she was hardly disarmed, she knew exactly what she was doing."

"And that makes it better?" I asked, incredulous.

"The only person I ever have disarmed and ever want to disarm is _you_," he said. "It's her job to be pleasant to the customers."

I tripped over my words, hating the rising blush in my cheeks. "That is--- she was _more_ than just--- since when have you disarmed me?" My outrage was poor – I knew as well as he did that if he looked at me the right way or spoke just so I would melt like butter in his hands.

"Pick your food," he said mildly with a grin. I huffed and returned my gaze to my menu.

--

"So…" he started off casually as he led me through the streets of Seattle to what he claimed was our last stop. It was nearly two-thirty and as it was I was going to be late getting home. "I've been doing some thinking since this morning."

I arched an eyebrow at him and forced down the irrational fear. He wasn't about to end things after spending a day with me. I didn't think my company had been _that_ bad. "About?"

"Nothing bad," he assured me and I let out a breath I hadn't noticed I was holding. "Just about the situation we're in with the, ah…" he trailed off for a moment and for once the never flustered Edward Cullen seemed to fumble for an appropriate word. "Touching," he settled on the one I had used earlier even though it sounded ridiculous. "It upsets you that we can't… that I haven't."

I swallowed heavily and kept my gaze away from his. "Doesn't it you?"

"It frustrates me, yes," he admitted. "But I don't know that I'm actually _upset_ by the fact that I can't explore you in a dark room on private property like you don't matter."

I opened my mouth to try to explain. "Edward, I _know_ that--"

"You won't make me budge on this," he cut me off firmly. "You might not care where it happens, but I meant it when I said I won't rush through anything with you. I _will_ take my time and I can't do that in the hours the football team practices after school."

"So if we can't do anything at school, and if we can't do anything in public, what does that leave? Are you going to get a hotel room and have your way with me behind closed doors?" I rolled my eyes. "Because _that_ doesn't make me sound like a--"

"Come to my house," he said as we turned a corner.

We were suddenly in the middle of the most beautiful place I had ever seen, at least in Seattle. The view from the Space Needle had been spectacular but it had absolutely nothing on the waterfalls that were suddenly cascading, the whooshing sound of the water filling my ears in a dull roar. Or perhaps it was my brain melting, because I could not have _possibly_ just heard him say what he did.

"Where are we?" I tried to keep my voice casual and to make the change of subject smoothly, but there was a nervous strain in it that I couldn't cover up no matter how hard I tried.

"The Waterfall Gardens," he answered me. "It's not one of the more popular sites of Seattle, and chances are you won't hear about it on the television shows, but it's one of my favorite spots and I thought you might like it, too." He was right, and had he not just given me the scare of my life I would have been absolutely enchanted with the tumbling water.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" The strain was back tenfold now.

"You didn't answer my question," he stated quietly.

"I wasn't aware you asked a question," I replied, stalling with all I had and hoping he'd drop the subject.

I hoped in vain.

"Bella…." I heard him inhale deeply and I knew he was fighting to keep from snapping at me. "Will you, please, come to my house with me?"

My hands clenched into tiny fists, not out of violence per se, but more so I could keep myself grounded and resist the urge to run. "Edward…" I began weakly. "Don't be stupid, even if that were possible--"

"Why is it not?" he asked. "My father's taking the entire family except for Alice and myself on a camping trip next weekend, and I know if I told her Alice would leave to give us privacy."

"I'd have to make an excuse," I said, my voice growing sharper. "I've already made an excuse of needing to come to Seattle today, I don't have another decent one to make it away again so soon."

"Say you've found a job."

"I'd _never_ take a job in Seattle, it's three hours away from Forks, four with my truck, the time spent traveling wouldn't be worth it!"

"There has to be _some_ excuse," he said determinedly. "Say there's a movie you need for school that you need to pick up."

"No," I said. "This is absolutely ridiculous; I can't even believe we're having this conversation!" I pulled away from him. "You don't honestly expect me to waltz into Carlisle Cullen's home, especially not when anyone could see my truck driving there."

His posture stiffened and I saw the light go out in his eyes, their color dark and foreboding now; I knew if I were thrust into the forest I would lose my way and die of cold. "So that's it then," he said and his voice sent unpleasant chills down my spine, his tone clipped. "After all this you still take issue with my name and who my family is, despite the fact that because of _your_ father my family's been sent into virtual exile, despite the fact that I've quite clearly laid out for you that _I_ could care less what your last name is and I'd still want you anyway."

I sputtered. "Don't be ridiculous!" I fumed, not caring that we were earning a few sideways glances from the few people seated at the tables in the garden. "This has nothing to do with your last name, you _know_ that, Edward! But you can't honestly expect me to easily step foot into your father's home when--"

"So you have a problem with my father, but you're willing to ignore the fact that I'm his _son_ if it means you get felt up on a dirty couch."

"I've never _ignored_ the fact that you're his son!" I exclaimed.

"You're right," he agreed in the same hard voice. "That much is obvious, otherwise we wouldn't be having this discussion."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means if you ignored who my father is I wouldn't have to fight with you to take you to my home, to show you my music, to show you where I grew up. Bella," he shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You never looked as disgusted in our entire time together as you did when I mentioned taking you home."

"You know why I can't," I tried to soften my voice but feeling panic well up within me despite my efforts. "I can't… Edward, I can overlook your last name and the fact that I'm supposed to hate you, and I can make excuses and get away with you to Seattle, but please…" I nearly choked from lack of air. "Please don't make me do this."

"Bella," his voice was soft, broken. "I can understand needing time, and I understand your reasoning. But you can't avoid setting foot in my house forever. You can't expect us to be together for anything long term if you're avoiding my father, and you can't…." He tugged at his hair and his expression was so distraught that even in the midst of all this drama I longed to reach out and smooth away the frown and lines that marred his perfect face. "You can't hold onto this forever. The damage was extensive and it couldn't have been fixed even by someone more skilled."

I felt like I was spinning and like my lungs were being compressed. I knew what he said, but I also didn't believe that he _could_ have said it.

"I have to go," I barely managed to get the words out. "I'm going to be late. I'll see you at school."

"Bella…." He attempted to grab me as I pushed past him.

"No, Edward, just… don't."

My legs felt unsteady and I blindly found my way back to my car. I wasn't thinking, I was functioning. In order to get home I had to get in my car, in order to get my car to work I had to use my keys… I was running on autopilot because if I allowed myself to comprehend what had just happened I knew that the anger and sadness and _hurt_ would overwhelm me and I'd never make it home.

It was dark when I made it home and much, _much_ later than five. The cruiser wasn't in the driveway, though, so I knew that I'd been lucky this time. The roar of the truck died down and I got out, trudging through the muddy yard before pulling out my house keys and awkwardly opening the door. I was cold and wet from the short walk from my car to the house, and after I'd closed the door I made a beeline for the upstairs bathroom, a hot shower calling my name.

When I got downstairs I heard Charlie in the kitchen and detected a smell that was simultaneously revolting to my nostrils but appealing to my hungry stomach.

"Hey, Bells," he said when he glanced over his shoulder and saw me. "Got some dinner for us. Sue fixed us up some fish fry so I thought I'd give you a break from all the cooking."

"Sounds great." My reply was less than enthusiastic, but luckily this was the way I would have responded to the news under normal circumstances as well.

"She was askin' about you. Said she hadn't seen you in awhile, not since before the New Year," he said loudly over the popping sound in the pan. "I was thinkin' I could bring her around tomorrow, maybe have her bring Seth and Leah – you like Seth, right?"

"Seth's great," I said automatically, not having it in me to put any real effort into my reply. Apparently he noticed this time, however, because he peered over at me with a concerned, cautious look on his face.

"You doing alright, Bella?"

I nodded quickly. "Fine."

"How was Seattle?"

An uneasy feeling settled in me again. "Seattle was…" Amazing. Horrifying. Wonderful. Disastrous. "Seattle was alright," I forced a shrug out of my shoulders. "Nothing special."

He looked at me suspiciously for awhile before letting it go and turning back to the fish fry. We ate dinner in silence and I was thankful he'd given up on the conversation front for tonight. After cleaning up the dishes I retreated to my room, claiming exhaustion. Rain splattered noisily against my window pane but I hardly noticed it over the din in my head. The conversation played over and over in my mind, right down to every word, and every hurt look. Looking at it objectively in hindsight I could see where I'd been harsh and dismissive and not helped the situation at all as well. How could things have started so marvelously only to end like _that?_

I rolled over in my bed and closed my eyes, falling into a restless sleep involving cars, my mother, and Edward. Always Edward….

--

The next morning I woke up and dressed quickly before quietly descending the stairs. Once in the kitchen I found a scrap of paper and a pen and scrawled out a short note to Charlie.

_Dad—_

_Went to see mom._

_I'll be back before lunch._

_-B_

The drive was gloomy and thunder rolled in the sky, perfectly matching my mood and also affecting it. If it was storming I wouldn't be able to stay out for nearly as long as I wanted to or needed to, but I'd have to make do. An ache formed in my chest when I drove through the winding streets at a snail's pace, the dark green grass and the slate-gray stones mocking me as I went. I finally parked my car on the side of the road and got out, walking slowly to my destination. A knee high gray stone with perfectly carved letters greeted me, rain drop patterns splotched along the stone and making it appear discolored. The weeds were overgrown a bit and I bent down to pluck a few out of the ground, keeping my eyes averted from the front of the stone. I tossed the grass away before taking a deep breath and smiling weakly.

_Renee Swan - Loving wife and mother._

"Hey, Mom."

Thunder cracked in the distance. "Sorry I haven't been here for awhile," I barely managed to speak the words but I knew that no matter how quiet or choked up they were, she heard them and she appreciated them. "I know I used to come a lot more but I've been busy and… confused." I swallowed to attempt to push back the lump in my throat but to no avail. "It didn't feel right to come here when I've been with Edward. I wasn't supposed to be with him…." The last part came out in a whisper and I let the truth of those words and all that they implied wash over me. "I wasn't supposed to fall…." I inhaled shakily.

"No one knows, Mom. No one knows that he's smart, or generous, or funny, or _mine_ because they _can't_." My voice broke there and I paused, willing myself to continue. "I can't be with him without everyone thinking I betrayed Charlie, that I betrayed you. I hate that, it's not fair. He's wonderful, and smart, and he _cares_ for me. And I _want_ him to care for me, even though I know he shouldn't, even though I know I shouldn't. I've never wanted anyone to care for me before, Mom."

I was silent for awhile, blinking back the stinging tears. "I wish things hadn't happened the way they did… if you hadn't died, Charlie wouldn't hate the Cullens so much. I could talk to him and we could just be Edward and Bella, outside of our own little bubble I mean."

My fingers ran over her name gently. "I'm sorry if you don't approve of him, or me, or us," I whispered. "But I think you'd like him if you met him. And I think you'd encourage me to do what I thought was right, no matter what anyone else thought, because that's just the way you were." I gave her stone a watery smile as I backed away. "Bye, Mom."

--

When I returned I saw another car parked in the driveway along with Charlie's cruiser. I frowned slightly before getting out of my truck and going to the house. Laughter greeted me when I stepped foot inside and my frown deepened as I shut the door behind me.

"Dad?" I called. "I'm home."

"In the living room, Bella."

I followed the sound of the voices, curiosity growing in me. When I entered the living room I saw my dad in his usual chair with one of the biggest grins on his face I'd ever seen, and three more people were also there who I was very familiar with.

"Hi, Sue," I greeted the older woman who was smiling on the couch. "Hey, Seth, Leah," I continued to her two kids.

"Hello, Bella," Sue smiled lightly at me, a cautious look in her eyes that told me she was treading lightly. "How has your morning been?"

I swallowed and glanced between her and Charlie who didn't seem fazed by her question at all. Obviously he'd mentioned my note to her or she'd seen it herself and knew where I'd been, hence the hesitation.

I nodded while I pushed my hair out of my face. "It was… as good as could be expected." I returned her smile at a slightly lesser degree before speaking again. "How long have you guys been here?"

"Oh, we've been here since maybe one?" Sue arched her eyebrow at Charlie for confirmation and he scratched his chin before giving his agreement.

"Sounds about right," he said.

"We didn't know you'd be out or else we would've waited longer to come over but Charlie insisted it was fine. I tried to keep the car out of the way so you would have a spot, did you park fine?"

"Yeah, thanks," I said.

Charlie shifted in his seat before heaving himself up and turning to head in the direction of the kitchen.

"Charles Swan," Sue's voice rang out, clean and commanding. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Just goin' to get another beer," Charlie mumbled, obviously flustered and feeling uncomfortable under her stern voice.

"You stay right there," Sue said and got up, whisking over to him and leading him back to his seat. "You've had one already and you know they're not good for your health."

"Another one would do me no harm at all," Charlie retorted in a grumble but sat down anyway, the tips of his ears turning red.

"That's what they all say," Sue sniffed smoothing over his hair – what there was, anyway – and returning to her seat.

I gasped out loud and nearly stumbled back, the realization hitting me like a ton of bricks and my eyes darted between them, liquid pools of shock and hurt. I don't know how I hadn't noticed the energy before this, but watching the way she spoke to him, the way he complied, seeing her touch his head that way.

"Oh…!" I choked out.

"Bella?" Charlie frowned. "You okay, kiddo?"

"Fine," I gasped. "Just… forgot to do something important. Sorry, I'll be… back."

I tripped over my own feet in my mad dash for the stairs and my knee slammed into the steps more than once in my haste.

It was odd how, although I didn't remember my mother and father together, seeing him with another woman felt… wrong. Charlie had been miserable over my mother's death for years – their wedding picture still adorned the night table in his bedroom, and I knew he avoided everything and anyone on big days that reminded him of her. I knew he still froze up every time a car accident happened, knew it wasn't coincidence that we drove _all_ the way out to Seattle for our medical issues.

I'd thought he'd love her forever. Rationally I knew that just because he was involved with Sue Clearwater didn't mean he loved my mom any less, but it still hurt a surprising amount more than I'd anticipated it would. Maybe that was because I hadn't anticipated this at _all._

I pressed the button on my computer and nearly ripped the keys from the keyboard while I waited for it to start up. I couldn't get my email program open fast enough and it took me at least three tries to type the opening line correctly.

_Edward--_

_I'm sorry. Please, give me a chance to explain, in person, on Monday. I promise to do my best. But, please, don't ignore me. Something's happened and I can't bear if you shut me out now. _

_-Bella_

--

The next three hours were some of the most awkward hours of my life. I couldn't look at the way Charlie and Sue interacted with each other. The level of care was blinding and made me uneasy, so much so that all I could do was poke at the chicken on my plate during dinner. Charlie and Seth engaged in a healthy conversation about sports and Leah, Sue, and I did the dishes.

Relief didn't even begin to cover what I felt when the nighttime darkness rolled in and goodnights were said for the evening. I excused myself to my room quickly after they left and went to my computer to check my inbox.

No new messages. A lump formed in my throat. Maybe he hadn't gotten it yet… but would there be a reason for him not to have gotten it?

I changed for bed and pushed back the covers before crawling in and picking a book up off the floor. Before I opened it, however, I heard a sharp popping sound, startling me. I looked around but saw nothing wrong so I shrugged it off. Just when I was about to get comfortable, though, I heard it again. This time I sprang from my bed, intent on exploring my room, apprehension gnawing at me – what would I find? A stray bird that got in… somehow?

I turned towards my window and what I saw would have made me scream if it didn't shock me into losing my voice.

Edward Cullen was in my tree.

--

**I'll fix it, I promise! And this isn't as big of a cliffy as the one you guys could have wound up with, so really there's no reason to stare at the screen in outrage…. And mystery solved! Partly… what, did you think that this was going to be the end of the story? Nuh uh, I got a few more tricks up my sleeve. Stay tuned!**

**Read on for important information.**

**You don't get to yell at me for how late this is. I was all set to update last week, but a) the superbowl was on, and b) I'm sure many of us are aware of how… rocked the fandom has been by events at this site lately. It made me take pause about what I would do with the future of this story and my other stories, because ***** spoiler alert * they are getting busy at some point in this one, and hell knows they'll be getting busy in my others. But do I want to put that up here and have it get reported, even though many talented and trusted writers have done it for years without qualms? Well, no… I'd rather not. So I had to take some time to think about what that would mean for the story. And I'm still thinking on that… I'll inform everyone in an authors note eventually, but for up-to-the-minute information, feel free to follow (stalk) me on twitter where I will most likely spew my decision first. ****Darkntwisty1**

**And last but so totally not least, the reviewers. Signed in and anonymous, I love you all. I thought you would have all forgotten about me and this story in the sudden absence, but I was thrilled with the amount of feedback and the quality. I love hearing (reading…) how you respond to parts of the story, how you think the progression is going, what you have issue with… as long as it's said constructively and pleasantly, it's all welcome! I love learning how to improve my writing and I can't thank you enough for taking the time to help me. **

**Now, I sincerely hope you'll follow the pattern and do so again for this chapter. It would mean ever so much. Thank you!**


	9. You Told Me To Look Past Everything

**Disclaimer: Let's play a game of tag! The idea is to get the person who owns all these characters you see running around. I'll start! Ahem… not it. **

**A/N: IMPORTANT authors note at the end of this chapter! Happy Reading!**

--

_The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned. _

_--_

I was not seeing this.

I blinked once, twice, and then a third time, each time slower than the last, but Edward remained in the tall tree that had been outside my bedroom window for as long as I could remember.

I carefully lifted my hand to pinch my arm, but the smarting sensation told me that this wasn't a dream and that he was in fact there.

In my tree.

Outside of my house.

In Charlie's yard.

Somehow I wound up in front of the window and I flung it open, the glass vibrating in the window frame when it came to a shuddering stop.

"What are you--"

"Stand back," he interrupted me in a deathly quiet whisper.

"What?!" I was scandalized. What exactly did he think he was doing.

"Stand back, Bella," he hissed before his body tensed. "I'm coming in."

"What?" I asked again, panicked now. "No, what are you—Edward!"

I stumbled to the side just as he came in my window, landing on the floor with a light thud. We held our breaths and waited. My heart hammered in my ears so loud I wasn't sure I'd be able to hear Charlie's footsteps even if I wanted to. Where would he go if Charlie's signature shuffle-step suddenly resonated at the top of the stairs?

Thankfully, by some smaller than small miracle brought to us by ESPN, it didn't.

He straightened himself up fully before turning and gently sliding the window shut so as not to disturb the glass again. When he turned back around neither one of us said a word for a minute. This scene was still so out of place to me. He was there, plain as day, right in front of me, towering over the rocking chair that had been in my room since I was an infant and he'd just crawled through the same window I opened as wide as it would go every summer in hopes to bring me some relief from the heat. He didn't belong there, and yet… he did.

"Why are you here?" I finally asked as I found my voice again. "What are you… Charlie is _right_ downstairs, do you have any idea how completely…." I didn't even have a word for this reckless behavior of his.

"I got your email," he said.

"You could have replied," I snapped back quietly, unable to raise my voice any higher than that for fear of alerting Charlie.

"Bella," he shook his head. "What was I going to say? 'Okay, see you then'?" His question was mocking, but not in a mean way. "You left me," he said, and for a moment his voice was vulnerable, terrified. "You just left, right in the middle of Seattle. I had no idea whether you'd made it home safely, and when you said something happened…" he inhaled and I saw him force himself back to calmer levels. "I was terrified that something had happened to you in the deathtrap."

It took me a moment before I realized what he was talking about.

"My car is not a deathtrap."

"Nevertheless," he continued. "I knew I should have realized that since you sent me an email from home you were more than likely alright yourself. But still, I worried." His eyes pierced me even in the dim light of my bedroom. "Please, don't ever do that again."

There was silence before I spoke again. "How did you get here?" I asked. "If Charlie finds out…"

"I'll be quiet as a mouse," he promised. "You won't even know I'm here. Although," he ran a hand through his hair and smiled ruefully. "Now that I'm here I'm thinking my decision was indeed a bit… rash."

I snorted my agreement.

"I had Alice drop me off so there's no car waiting outside. She didn't seem to think it was the brightest idea I'd ever had, but I insisted." I bit my lip. No car was both good and bad – there was no empty, familiar vehicle for Charlie to find, but there was also no quick getaway for him. I quickly measured my closet in my mind.

As if reading my thoughts he took a few steps across my room and opened my closet door quietly, inspecting the space inside. "Cozy," he observed as he shoved aside a few of my sweaters carefully so as not to squash them should he need the space.

He returned his gaze to me and stood with his hands in the pocket of his jacket. We were across the room from each other now and the atmosphere was different, tenser. Our fight from yesterday surfaced in my mind and I was reminded of why all the trouble had begun in the first place.

"We need to talk," he broke the silence finally.

"I know."

Quiet again.

"I can't change who I am or who my father is, Bella."

There was a twinge. "I know."

He opened his mouth again but I shook my head, running my hand over my face. "Can we please just… not tonight, Edward," I murmured. "I meant it when I said I wanted to explain, but this day has been… trying."

Concern was carved into his face now. "What happened, Bella?" he asked softly.

I wasn't sure whether it was the way he asked his question or whether everything had been boiling up within me for the past two days and had come to a head, but suddenly the tears were welling in my eyes and I was sniffling and blubbering quietly like a toddler. Warm arms were around me then and I allowed him to hold me and stroke my hair gently, murmuring unheard words into my hair. The world shifted out from underneath me then and I was cradled against a strong chest while I cried my heart out.

I got out bits and pieces of my story along with some commentary thrown in here and there through my tears. I told him how I'd gone to see my mom, how I hated that no one could know about how wonderful we were together, how I'd found out that my father was involved with someone I'd known my whole life quite by accident, and how I was surprised it hurt so much. Throughout this he did nothing but hold me, and I found that at this point in time it was the best medicine for all my worries and frustrations.

I quieted eventually and we stayed in that position with me on his lap while he sat on the edge of my bed. He kissed the top of my head gently before speaking quietly. "So, this is your room."

I was grateful for the change of subject, eager to grasp onto something lighter. "Yeah," I sniffled again and lifted my head away from his shoulder to follow his gaze as he looked around. "This is it." I began to feel the familiar heat of embarrassment flood through my face the way it did almost any time I brought someone into my room. "I know it's not much," I said quickly. "But I don't mind it and it's a nice color."

He hummed, a thoughtful sound as his eyes traveled to the rows of books I had. "I like it," he said finally with a small smile. "It suits you. It's very… Bella."

I blinked. Edward Cullen, one of the richest people in town, hadn't even made one remark about my less than spectacular room. If I remembered correctly he'd called my closet 'cozy'. That coming from a boy whose entire closet was probably bigger than the entire second floor of my house. I'd never been to the reclusive Cullen home, of course, but I'd heard stories about it float around town from people who had been there awhile ago. Supposedly it was like a mini-White House, smack dab in the middle of the forest with its own river beside it and everything.

"Is that your mother?" he asked, quiet and hesitant. My eyes followed his and landed on the dusty framed picture of my mother that was propped near the end of one of my rows of books. It was one of the only pictures I had of her, and it was my favorite one so I kept it displayed. She was young there, only twenty or twenty-one, but considering when she'd died I suppose that was only to be expected.

"Yeah," I nodded along with my words, my eyes dropping away from the frame.

"She's very beautiful," he said softly before continuing. "You look like her."

I felt my eyes tear up but I laughed a short laugh anyway. "Hardly," I whispered in a thick voice. "I have too much Charlie in me, and I'm too… plain," I said. "Boring brown hair and boring brown eyes. I'm not very gutsy either, which is probably just as well since I would fall over if I tried to do anything, and my mouth has always been out of proportion. I think I got Charlie's top lip but her bottom lip," I gave him the explanation I'd come up with when I was twelve and picking apart my appearance in the bathroom mirror.

His fingers wove gently through my hair then and he tilted my head to kiss my forehead. "Your hair is soft," he murmured. "And it smells heavenly and shines in the sun. Your eyes," he moved his mouth to my temples, kissing one side and then the other before gently giving the same affection to my now closed eyelids, "Remind me of the smoothest, finest European chocolate, except even that doesn't compare. I could order countless numbers of the most famous chocolates and I wouldn't find one that came close to your eyes."

His mouth was at my cheeks now, kissing gently down my face. "You're dating _me_. I'm in _your room_ and you haven't kicked me out, though we both know very well that you father could lock you in the basement for the rest of your life and feed you nothing but bread and water." _Charlie wouldn't – but I might be permanently chained to the inside of the house._ I wanted to say but I found my voice had stopped working once again as he got nearer and nearer to my lips.

"And your _mouth_," his breath, warm and minty curled out and mingled with mine now that my lips had parted. "I have yet to find a problem with it. But perhaps I haven't explored it enough." And then he kissed me, gently but in a way that left me quivering in his arms. His tongue swept across my lower lip before sliding into my mouth and past my teeth, gaining access that I willingly granted. The kiss was sweet and possessive at the same time and I wanted… I wanted _more_.

He would wind up with a gun in his face if he were discovered here. He knew that, and yet he came because he was worried about me. He'd let me ruin his shirt with my tears. He didn't care that my room was small or my closet smaller, and he hadn't made one remark about my less than attractive sleepwear. I gasped as his fingers brushed the side of my body before he shifted so my back was against the bed. My legs fell open to accommodate his hips as he fell between my thighs, a position we usually took when we decided we wanted to do more than talk.

We'd never been quite this close though. I could feel every inch of him stretched out over me, covering my body, and then some, as he pressed against me, his mouth still working eagerly with mine. I made a noise somewhere between a whimper and a moan and then, without even meaning to, my hips gave a short, jerky thrust upwards. A sharp, deep groan of his echoed in the caverns of my mouth and I felt his entire body tense above me, a shudder moving through him in one long ripple. I liked that. I liked that a _lot_. So I did it again and gasped when I came in contact with a piece of him that he'd never allowed me to feel, for very long, before. I decided, as I moaned when he sent his hips forward to meet mine roughly, that I liked _this_ a lot too.

"Edward…" I whispered his name fervently as he finally tore his lips from mine when breathing became necessary. He was suckling a spot just under my ear and driving me to the cliffs of insanity while he did so. My hands moved blindly and of their own accord – I was only faintly aware of the light sound of clinking metal followed by a zipper which seemed to break the charm.

"Bella," he was breathless and urgent. "Bella, wait, stop, please!" He pleaded quietly with me, his hand grabbing my wrist before it could go any further and bringing it up above my head. He panted heavily, his eyes closed and his nostrils flaring. _No!_ I wanted to protest. _Why had he stopped?_

"Edward… it's alright, I _want--"_

"I know you do," he interrupted. "I know you do, and Christ…" his hips moved a fraction of an inch again and I felt myself melt. "I do too. But not…" He seemed to be building up his will to finish his sentence. "Not tonight."

"We're in a bed, we're not in public, we're not at school." To my hazed mind this seemed to meet all of his prerequisites.

"We are in _your_ bed, in _your_ house, with _your_ father right downstairs," he breathed. "_We_ have just had a fight, and _you_ have just broken down all over my shirt." I made a face at that and he spared me a half a grin. "I _will_ touch you, but I won't do it in reaction to the Hell this weekend has put you through."

He rolled off me then and caught me before I went tumbling off the side of my small bed. I was cuddled up against his chest and both of us slowly regained our breathing as we lay there. As mine evened out, however, I noticed the drowsiness was beginning to fully set in.

"Edward…" I murmured sleepily. "You have to go…"

"I will," he promised as his fingers moved up my arm, stroking it slowly and lulling me into sleep. "I promise I'll be gone in the morning."

That promise made me sadder than it should have.

--

I awoke the next morning feeling very warm and very content. My arms squeezed around something soft and I snuggled closer to the mass in my arms. It smelled good - it smelled like Edward.

My eyes flew open and I shot up, my heart pounding in my chest. I looked down at the bed and then around my room furiously, looking for any sign of the bronze-haired Angel who had snuck into my house last night, but I didn't find hide nor hair of him. In my arms was one of my pillows that was deformed from being slept on and squeezed, and pooling around my waist was a blanket that had obviously been tucked around my shoulders with care to fight off the chill that was drafting in from… my open window.

So it hadn't been a dream after all, and he'd left just as he promised he would. Of course he couldn't close the window after him, though, so he'd covered me up so I wouldn't freeze even though the winter had long ago thawed from Forks. I lowered my upper body back onto the bed again and buried my nose in my pillow – it _did_ smell like Edward… I wondered how long he'd lain here last night for it to pick up enough of his scent.

I rolled over and pushed the covers off me, but just as I was preparing to get out of bed I spotted a piece of paper folded on my bedside table that most definitely hadn't been there the night before. I picked it up with a swooping sensation in my stomach and unfolded it to find a neat, familiar scrawl.

_Bella—_

_Didn't I promise I'd be gone before you woke up? It was much harder than I'd anticipated, though. I slept better with you on top of me last night for three hours than I have without you in a very long time. You say very interesting things when you sleep – I wish I could hear you more often._

_Alice picked me up so you don't have to worry about me being caught by a bear on the side of the road, although I now owe her a shopping trip. _

_I'll see you after school._

_-Edward_

My face turned ten shades of ted when I read his comment on my sleep and I tried to wrack my brain for any dreams. What on Earth could I have said that made him think I was interesting? I knew I'd dreamed of him in the past, and it wouldn't surprise me if his name came out with those dreams. It was anything _else_ that I was worried about.

I folded his note up again and tucked it away in a safe place before getting out of bed and getting ready for school that day.

Unfortunately after having my emotions pulled this way and that over the weekend had left me very sluggish. I was late for my first period class and after nearly falling asleep in the second I asked to be excused to the bathroom – if the sugar from my poptart that morning hadn't done the trick, maybe some cold water on my face would at least get me woken up enough so I could make it through lunch. I pushed open the swinging door of the bathroom and turned the corner to the row of stalls and sinks and stopped in my tracks.

A short girl, who was even shorter than me, was in front of one of the mirrors studiously applying under-eye concealer. She was stylishly dressed in a way that no one in Forks would ever dream of for money's sake _and_ taste's sake – her outfit just screamed 'big city' – and her hair was shorter than anyone like Jessica or Lauren would ever deem appropriate but somehow her pixie-stick body made it work.

I'd run into the one of the Cullen girls in the bathroom before, of course, but that was before one of them drove to my house in the middle of the night to pick up their brother whom I was now dating. Things were different now. It wouldn't do to shoot cold glares or to carefully ignore looking in their direction as if they were invisible. From what I knew Alice had been more or less supportive of mine and Edward's relationship – at least she hadn't spread gossip or tried to discourage him from seeing me, or maybe Edward hadn't told me anything bad she'd said about me.

I debated whether to just cut my losses and run, but a nasty voice in my head told me to suck it up and get it over with. I walked forward towards one of the other sinks and I saw her eyes flicker over to me for a moment before returning to her procedure. The faucet squeaked as I turned it on and I let the water run for a bit before cupping my hands and gently splashing my face with the cool water. It felt good on my face, and though I wasn't sure it was waking me up, I did it again, and then a third time. I ran my damp fingers through my hair to keep it out of my face before turning for the paper towels – which were located on the other side of Alice Cullen.

I moved around her nonchalantly and pulled a few out of the dispenser before carefully scrubbing down my hands with them. I tossed them in the trash and made to move back around her and then for the door, but a surprisingly strong hand was suddenly clamped over my arm. Shocked, my eyes met the owner of said hand and her shining expression and sparkling smile stunned me.

"I'm so glad you gave him a chance," she whispered quietly, excitement popping from every word.

I felt as if I had all the oxygen robbed from my lungs. My eyes felt like they could fall out of my sockets with how wide they were and I blinked rapidly to try to force them back in.

"You can't see the difference in his attitude like we do. He's just so _happy_ all the time now!" she whispered in the same bubbly voice. "And the _music_…!" she was in awe."I've never heard him create anything like it before!"

Dimly in the back of my mind I registered the word create but brushed it off – that could be applied in more than one sense, she didn't have to mean he actually _created_ the music.

"You're good for him," she continued, rushing now more so than before as if sensing her time was up. "I'm only sorry that things aren't different and this couldn't be easier for you both."

She squeezed my arm gently then and turned back to the mirror just as the door to the bathroom swung open. I forced my face into one of indifference rather than shock and slid my way past the perfect stranger who now stood there, carefully assessing the stress level of the situation.

--

"Your sister talked to me today."

A smile curved over his lips as his long, graceful fingers flowed smoothly over the keys. "She mentioned as much."

"In the _bathroom_," I emphasized the word, although for what reason I didn't know.

"I know," he replied with a dutiful nod.

"She says I'm good for you. She says you're different now, in a good way. That I've changed you." He was a little tenser now but not in a way that said he was angry, more like mildly embarrassed. "Is that true?"

The notes continued to echo from beneath the skilled touch of his fingertips and I heard the transition into a piece he played often when we were together. "I suppose so," he said after awhile. "I didn't realize the change had been that noticeable, but I guess I have been more outgoing than I have been recently."

All because of me. I wasn't sure how to deal with such a large piece of information.

His melody began to slow and I knew it was time to talk. He was using the piano as a vice, as something to keep him strong should he not get an answer he liked. "I understand why stepping into my father's house would be… difficult for you," he started quietly. "I know that it took everything you had to even look at me this year, much less become involved with me. I understand that overcoming your feelings on this matter would be even harder. But, Bella…."

I saw him tense and he was simultaneously closed off and completely exposed to the world, strong yet vulnerable, hard and soft. "I meant… every word… that I said on that ferry boat." His words were slow, stilted, like he was forcing himself to gather the will to say them. "I have never felt this strongly about anyone before, and truthfully I can't imagine feeling this way ever again."

As overwhelming and powerful as that was I couldn't help but feel… warm when he said that. Not for the first time that year I found myself at war with myself – I was guilty that my actions had made him think anything but that my feelings for him rivaled his for me, but the words that Charlie had told me severely over the years several times still rang clear in my head. _"The Cullen's are dirty, rotten, good-for-nothing's, Bella, and they'll use all their money and influence to buy their way out of any sticky situation. Don't you ever get involved with any one of them, do you hear?"_

"I feel the same," I hardly whispered. "Believe me, Edward."

"I want to," he replied even quieter than before. "But sometimes I feel like everything in the world has been plotting against us, and if you can't _truly_ get past who I am, who my father is, what happened… I'm afraid that might be the straw that breaks the proverbial camel's back."

The melody stopped then and I felt like it mimicked my heart. _No_. That was absolutely unacceptable. It had been only two months, but not being able to have the ability to kiss and touch Edward as I pleased because he was mine and I was his was so far past insanity it didn't even have a name. The thought alone terrified me.

And then there was a nasty voice deep in the back of my head, dark and foreboding, taunting me relentlessly that made me terrified that perhaps he was right, that I _would_ be the cause of our downfall. I hadn't been blind to the fact that it was he that had taken all the initiative in our relationship, right from the start. I was the one who had to be persuaded, I was the one who had to take time to think about whether the risk was worth it. One would have thought I would have learned after the first three times that Edward was _always_ worth the risk. It wasn't fair that I was consistently worried about saving my own skin should this situation go awry. The backlash for him should we be discovered, while not as great as the one I would face, would still be severe. Yet he'd made it quite plain to me that he would take the consequences should our attempts at secrecy fail because I was worth it in a way that no one else was.

I got up and walked with heavy feet to the piano bench and sat down next to him. He turned his green gaze to me and I swallowed against the knot lodged in the middle of my throat. "Promise me," my voice was thin and nearly cracking, so I tried again. "Promise me it will just be the two of us."

"No one will be in the house except for you and me," he said. "I wouldn't want to have them there if I could help it even if the circumstances were different."

I bit my lip and nodded, the bubble of fear swelling up within me. "I do care for you, Edward," I said. "I… care for you as much as you do for me, I promise." My voice had taken on a nearly hysterical edge by this point and I was almost tripping over my words. "I don't know how to say it, or show it, but I _do_," I stressed the word carefully. "I _do_, and I know that I don't want to lose you…" I started shaking my head. "_Can't_…."

He pulled me to him then, gently but firmly, and he rocked me slowly, shushing me in a soothing manner. "You'll never lose me," his voice was low and fierce in my ear, sinking the meaning and promise of his words into my very bones. "I won't let it happen, no matter what."

I hoped to whatever larger force that there was out there that he was right.

--

**Full disclosure, I was extremely tired when I proof-read this, so minor changes might be made eventually (grammatically wise, mainly) when I get a chance to go back over it, so please, excuse any you found, or enlist the help of shouty-caps to shame me into better proof reading. **

**Okay, guys. I'm not going to say things are going to be completely dark and twisty from here on out – there will be bright and shiny and roses and butterflies sprinkled through, but… right now we're getting to the heart of the story. It's going to be pretty rapid fire from hereonout. They have their relationship, and how it develops will be determined on the way that they handle their issues. It might be confusing at some parts, you might hate the characters sometimes, but… I wouldn't be doing my job if you didn't. I hope you'll keep reading, because it seriously means the world to me. The smile on my face is always ridiculously large whenever I get a comment, whether it's two words, or two hundred. Thank you for all your encouragement, positive feedback, and constructive criticism. HEART HEART HEART! **

**Now for the important stuff! I've decided that I'm going to be using my LiveJournal for unedited (read: NC17/MA and the old FFnet M) chapters. I've registered for The Writers Coffee Shop (and intend to do the same for Twilighted, soon) but until I start posting there, the (I'll just come right out and say it) smut will be posted on my LiveJournal, because I highly doubt this FFnet situation is going to get squared away any time soon. **

**The username is darkandtwisty1, and there will be a link on my profile page. My current username for TWCS is DarkandTwistyx, and assuming the name isn't taken at Twilighted it'll be that there as well.**

**And now I'm going to shut up! If you're happy and you know it….**

**Thank you for reading, and I do hope you'll review. **


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